


The Price I Pay

by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Keith (Voltron), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Awrul was borrowed by Dem, But very nontraditional, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Thank you Demenior!!, Unintentionally Omegan Shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-19 21:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14246355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticReactions/pseuds/BossToaster
Summary: Keith and Shiro's bond has always been unique - on Earth.  It turns out that it's not so unusual for Galra, and the news sends Keith into an emotional tailspin.  To make matters worse, Keith isn't the only one interested in that kind of relationship with Shiro.Based on a prompt by ILoveLocust.  Updated every two days.  Art by Rou-tan





	1. Coming Out of My Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Whisper Bang, a small mini-bang made up of a bunch of dweebs in the same server who decided 'let's ~~form Voltron~~ make a Bang'.

Gravity had returned.

That was how it felt, everytime Keith came back to the castle.  Or, more accurately, the moment when the little ship landed and Keith walked out to find Shiro waiting for him in the hangar.  Every single time, he met Keith there, and each time he had that same smile.

It wasn't that Keith needed gravity to function.  Technically, he didn't. Back at the Garrison, he'd gotten top marks in anti-grav training, and he'd been totally prepared to leave it behind for weeks, even months at a time.  He'd been eagerly anticipating being away, even.

Back then, he hadn't known how good it felt to return and be grounded once again.

The Marmora mask retracted as Keith stepped over.  It wasn't like he needed to - his height was an obvious and immediate giveaway of his identity - but he liked the way Shiro brightened just that much more from seeing his face.  

"Hey," Keith greeted, stopping half a foot in front of him.  "How's everyone?"

Shiro smiled back down at him, that soft, doting expression that made Keith feel dipped in a hot bath.  "Welcome back. They're all good. You can see for yourself in a little bit, when the horde descends on you.  How are you? No injuries?"

Keith rolled his eyes, because that waspart of the routine.  "I'm in one piece, I promise. You act like I'm constantly hiding injuries from you."

The smile fell off Shiro's face, just for a moment.  "You were pretty beat up the first time I saw you in this outfit.  I guess it stuck. Besides, it's not the same when you're not around for me to keep an eye on."

"I know.  But I'm fine, I promise."  Keith held up his hand hopefully, partly in greeting and partly to distract Shiro from his thoughts.

Immediately, Shiro clasped Keith's hand in his and pulled him forward.  Their arms locked around each other, and Keith melted into the warm contact, at least a little.  Shiro did the same, burying his face in Keith's hair and taking a deep breath.

It was an innocent gesture.  Shiro's face just ended up in Keith's hair by sheer height, and he still needed to breathe while they hugged.

But a weird thrill went through Keith anyway.  He wondered if Shiro could smell the salty traces of sweat on his skin, maybe a hint of blood from the Galra soldiers he'd faced.

Probably not.  Piece by piece, Keith was moving parts of himself over from 'doesn't everyone do this?' to 'it's a Galra thing.'  His sense of smell and hearing were part of that.

Still, part of him liked to think Shiro could tell how hard Keith had been working, how fiercely he'd fought.

Which Shiro knew.  Of course he already knew that, Shiro had seen him fight and train.

Even so.  Keith didn't have an explanation, so he pushed it away for now.

When they finally pulled apart, Kolivan cleared his throat.  Shiro stepped back from Keith, his spine straightening as if Kolivan was Iverson and the pair of them were planning on sneaking out to roam the desert.

"Greetings, Black Paladin," Kolivan greeted, respectful in formality.  He nodded, and so did the other member of the Blade with them. Awrul hovered half a step behind Kolivan, leaning out to the side to see better around Kolivan’s shoulder.  His mask deactivated as well and showed his pale purple face and thin ears.

Shiro gave Awrul a quick glance and a flash of a friendly smile, then offered his hand to Kolivan.  He clasped it, a quick, easy welcome. “Hello, and welcome to the Castle of Lions. It’s good to have you on board again.  And for the first time, as well.” He inclined his head to Awrul, and got a nod in return.

“The other members will be here tomorrow as planned of the mission,” Kolivan said.  “They should arrive after finishing their mission, early in your day cycle.”

Nodding, Shiro gestured for them to follow.  Keith hesitated a moment, not sure if he should walk with Shiro or with the other members of the Blade.  Was he here as a paladin, or as a Galra?

It took only a moment for Keith to decide didn’t care either way.  Given the choice, he’d rather walk with Shiro. It had been weeks since they’d been in the same ship, and Keith was loathe to keep any distance.  Instead, he wanted to make up for lost time. So he sided up beside Shiro, so close their arms nearly brushed. The smile he got in return was proof he’d made the right choice.

“Did you three come directly from a mission?” Shiro asked, walking slowly so Kolivan could keep even with them, rather than following behind.

Kolivan blinked once, his expression still perfectly neutral and polite.  “Yes.”

There was a pause, as Shiro waited for details and didn’t get them.  For all Voltron and the Blade of Marmora shared information, neither got 100 percent of what the others were up to.  The Blade got more information, since Voltron’s dealings weren’t totally secret, but they were two different organizations with two different, if related goals.

Shiro finally nodded, looking unbothered by the flat response.  “Then maybe talks can wait until after dinner. We eat shortly, and if you’ve been working all day, I’m sure you could use a meal before we talk about tomorrow.”

Awrul’s ears perked up, just barely noticeable.  He glanced at Kolivan, expression respectful and calm.  But Keith was learning to read Galra body language better.  Now, he could see the way his shoulders were held higher, and how his fingers curled up like he wanted to grasp something - Awrul wanted Kolivan to accept.

Considering, Kolivan nodded.  “That would be wise. Conversation will be better if we have eaten.”

Keith relaxed as well, despite trying to look professional.  They’d been tailing ships since early that morning, with rations for lunch rather than a full meal.  Besides, whatever Hunk cooked up was going to be better than what they normally served at headquarters.  

“Good.”  Shiro smiled at them all, and Keith suspected he’d at least caught Keith’s relief.  “If you’d like to freshen up as well, you have a little while. Keith, do you want to show them around?”

Keith nodded.  “I can do that.”  He wasn’t sure anyone else would want to clean up, but he could at least wipe his face off.  The helmet made him sweat, and the environmental controls only did so much. The base of his head was a gross, humid clump.

“I’ll wait for you with the princess in the dining room, then.”  Shiro nodded to Kolivan. Then, he reached out and gave Keith a quick squeeze on the shoulder, his thumb brushing the back of Keith’s neck.  It was a familiar gesture, and one that Shiro knew made Keith melt.

Welcome home, it said.  You can breathe here.

Which was absolutely Shiro angling for Keith to switch back to being a paladin permanently.  Or, at least, it was a reminder that he always could. That this was home.

Keith hadn’t forgotten that.  He could always come back, and he’d be welcome with open arms.  For once, he didn’t doubt that. And for once, he was the one coming back, not being left behind.

It was nice to be grounded again.  But not quite enough to come back, yet.

The touch only lasted a moment, and then Shiro gave them all a final smile and nod.  He walked off, head held high, and disappeared down the hall.

“I did not realize you were so close to the Black Paladin,” Awrul noted, tone sly.  His lip curled at the corner.

Keith stared back at him, unimpressed.  “Of course I am. We were on the same team, and I’ve known him for years.”  It wasn’t like he’d made a secret of his friendship with Shiro.

Sighing, Kolivan eyed Awrul, which shut up the comments.  At least, it did for now. “Let’s get ready for the meal, and then prepare for tomorrow’s mission.  After that you may assuage your curiosity.”

Awrul sighed but nodded, and he made no further comments as Keith lead them down the familiar halls.

It wouldn’t last long.  But for now, Keith just allowed himself to enjoy being home.

***

Dinner was primarily meat based, which meant that Hunk had planned for Galra company.  It was drenched in a thick, heavy sauce that leaked into the mashed not-potatoes on the side, and had a nice kick.  

For the most part, meals at headquarters were closer to the food goo - bland, easy to digest, easy to store, and basically never went bad.  Keith didn’t think the Galra culture had much of a cooking culture to begin with. Even on other planets, he rarely saw the kind of varied, interesting foods that he did on Earth.

One more reason to be so thankful that Hunk was with them.

Conversation was quieter today than Keith remembered.  Most of the usual chatter was absent, or only in short bursts.  It seemed that everyone was aware this was closer to a diplomatic meal than a friendly one, even if they had such close ties with the Blade of Marmora.

Frankly, Keith was thankful for that.  If it had just been him, he was sure there would be all kinds of teasing and welcomes and demands for stories he wasn’t sure he should give.  From all the glances and smiles he kept getting, and the usual quick round of hugs, Keith knew they were glad to see him. But that part was something he could happily miss.

“Kolivan, have you heard anymore more about the defenses on Wynnria?” Allura asked.  

Picking his head up, Kolivan blinked slowly.  “Not much more since the initial report. We do not have anyone directly in communication with the planet, and there was no time to get someone inside.  From what we were able to tell through our channels, they seem to have minimal defenses.”

“That’s what our scans have found too,” Pidge offered.  “The traffic back and forth looks like a normal Galra post.  There’s some manufacturing there, so they don’t need drone intakes, and the personnel come and go at a pretty normal rate.  No especially big ships, and nothing that suggests they have anything special on the planet.”

With a quick glance at Kolivan, Awrul nodded.  “This area is not known for much of anything. Other than being relatively close to the new border, there’s no reason for this planet to have special defenses, and there’s no hint at heavy fortification like during the blitz.”

Shiro pressed his lips thin.  “Even so, I don’t like that a planet so close to us is so undefended. After we just walked into a trap so recently, I don’t feel like playing into Haggar’s hands a second time.”

“Well, if we run into something like last time, Allura will get us out,” Lance said, with perfect, easy confidence.  He shot her a winsome smile, which she returned more reservedly.

Allura inclined her head.  “I’m not sure it’s something we’d like to rely on.  My magic is untrained, and we don’t know the limits of it, or how it will stand up to Haggar.”

“The witch is not to be underestimated,” Kolivan agreed.  “Ulaz’ reports made that exceedingly clear.”

At just the name, Shiro tensed.  It was a subtle thing, but Keith was sitting right next to him.  As subtly as he could, Keith leaned in so their arms brushed.

Some of the strain faded from Shiro’s expression.  He returned the gentle pressure, then turned his plate silently.  About half of his meat had been cut up and then left aside on the very edge.

Keith’s lips curled up, and he pushed over a sizable portion of his mashed something, already mixed with the spicy sauce.

The counter-offer earned him a nod.  Without a word, Shiro pushed his meat over, and Keith gave him the mashed-whatever in return.

On Kolivan’s other side, Awrul watched in open curiosity, which Keith ignored.  Who cared? He and Shiro had always done this, way back since the Garrison. Unless Keith was specifically told not to, because of Blade dignity or whatever, he saw no reason to stop.

To his gratification, if Kolivan noticed, he didn’t care at all.  He didn’t even glance over at the noise, though one ear twitched.

“Wynnria is directly between two military outposts,” Coran offered.  He waved his fork as he talked, drawing three circles in the air, the center one much smaller.  “If we do make a move for it, the Galra are probably confident they can take it back. They have the force close by to respond.”

Hunk’s head bobbed.  “We know we can cut off communications for at least long enough to escape notice.  And I know we’ve used it on them before, but I’m not sure they realize that those few dobashes are the result of us blocking, or if they just think we attached a little while later.”

That was a good point.  Keith glanced at Kolivan, head tilted in silent permission to mention Blade business.  Kolivan’s ears both relaxed slightly, allowing it.

“We’ve used the communication suppression recently,” Keith said.  It had actually been about 8 hours ago, but that detail wasn’t totally necessary.  “It doesn’t seem to trip anything yet, so I’m guessing the time period is so short they just don’t notice the delay.”

Shiro nodded, idly swirling his and Keith’s mashed something together on his plate.  “In that case, we have about five dobashes to do as much damage as we can before reinforcements show up.  Voltron should be able to hold them off, especially with the Castle, but we can’t do that forever if they keep sending reinforcements.”

Pidge grinned around the rim of her glass.  “If those defenses are as nothing as they look like?  I bet we can totally take over the command center on Wynnria before the other planets even notice we’ve shown up.  They don’t have that much outbound communication, and a lot of it is drone-controlled. If we can just keep up the green signal, then we have a new stronghold that splits their main military force in that sector.”

“Is that a bet we want to risk the entire mission on?” Hunk asked.

“We’ve faced worse odds,” Pidge said.  “This is like, one part of the Blitz, or of taking down Zarkon.  Maybe we don’t have all hands on deck, but this isn’t nearly so hard a target, either.”

Kolivan glanced at Awrul, who blinked slowly back in silent confirmation.  “We would be able to accurately mimic the normal communications of the outpost.  So long as you are able to clear out the main command center in less than five minutes, this is possible.”

Allura nodded back, her shoulders setting.  “I’m confident we can, so long as the defenses are as reported.  My worry would be that the rush could cause civilian casualties.”

“The outposts are a good ways away from the main civilian city,” Shiro offered.  “If we don’t get out in time and the military outposts respond, that’s when we should worry about them.  The Galra won’t care who they hurt while they try and fight Voltron.”

“All the more reason to get it done.”  Keith glanced out at the corner of his eye at Shiro, his smile warm.  “Pidge is right. This is better odds than you’re used to.”

Kolivan took a deep breath, the only outward sign of his distress.  Voltron’s methods still rubbed his fur the wrong way, much the way Keith’s continued reckless adaptation vexed him.  But he’d learned that Voltron came through far more often than it didn’t. If the team said they could do it, they probably could.

That was what his team did.

And despite his distance and ‘shared custody’, as Lance charmingly called it, this was his team.  It was not small point of pride.

“Very well,” Kolivan said.  “We can discuss details in more depth when we are in the control room and we can have visuals.”

Allura nodded, the regal dip of her head she used during these kinds of diplomatic dinners.  Idly, Keith wondered where the mice were. Probably holed up in her room. “Yes, it can wait till then.  We have all evening and much of the morning if we need it.”

A nudge to his arm caught Keith’s attention.  He glanced up at Shiro, who tilted his head significantly.

Keith blinked back, not sure what he meant.

After a moment, Shiro’s lips thinned.  He shifted his hands in his lap, like he was holding onto something below the table.  Then he pushed one forward and the other back, tilting slightly.

…Something about punching?

Oh.  Flying the lion.  Shiro wanted to know if he wanted to go as a paladin without asking it publicly.

Fondness filled Keith, even as he shook his head.  No, he could do more as a Blade on this mission. He could be a paladin, sure, but it would take at least a few minutes of readjustment after weeks without him in the pilot’s seat.  On such a time sensitive mission, that wasn’t wise.

Besides, Shiro would want Keith to take the Black Lion.  That wasn’t going to happen. Shiro deserved that seat. It settled and grounded him, the same way Keith felt when he saw Shiro waiting for him.  It was a home, reassurance there was somewhere he was wanted and welcome, some place he could always come when things were rough.

Keith had been without that feeling.  He’d never wish it on Shiro, not with how his mood had so badly deteriorated last time he was sidelined.

Shiro inclined his head in acknowledgment, but he frowned unhappily.  He’d probably want to talk about it later.

They could do that, but it wasn’t going to change Keith’s mind.  He’d do what was best for Shiro, no matter how hard or what it cost.  He deserved that from Keith, after everything.

Since shoulder touching would be too obvious at the table, Keith grabbed Shiro’s wrist, wrapping his fingers all the way around.  His thumb massaged the underside in slow, smooth circles.

Finally, Shiro’s shoulders relaxed.  The frown softened into a smile, though he hid it around the rim of his glass.

They were okay.  Shiro was okay. And the knowledge relaxed Keith somewhere deep inside, on a fundamental level.  It was satisfying, to be able to help Shiro relax and feel better. Shiro had so many problems and hardships that Keith couldn’t do anything about.  There was no fighting away nightmares, no rubbing away scars, no denying the changes in both of them.

But this Keith could do.

The warmth lasted him through the rest of the meal, and through the evening.  Shiro stayed within arms length, which further soothed Keith. After so long apart, it was nice to have Shiro so close.  Just like the exchange when he’d come out of the ship, it was impossible for Keith to tell how Shiro had been hurt while he was gone.  But now, he could see for himself that Shiro was safe and healthy, and be there to protect him from anything that might happen.

Maybe it wasn’t a rational feeling, but after all the times Shiro had been torn away from Keith, he didn’t really care.

***

When the meeting finally wound down, Keith led Kolivan and Awrul down the hall to the guest rooms.  Likely, Kolivan remembered the way there, but it was polite to remind them (or so Shiro had said).

“The bathrooms from before are just down the hall,” Keith said, nodding in the right direction.  “It’s the door that always has a light on above it, so it shouldn’t be hard to find.”

Kolivan nodded, glancing that way as well.  He seemed calm in a way that Keith rarely saw him outside of headquarters.  His ears were just slightly tilted back, relaxed, and his fur seemed less fluffed up than it had before.

Apparently, the Castle of Lions was a safe place.  As it should be. With Voltron to protect them, there wasn’t much that could hurt them, here.

“You will be staying in your own room?” Kolivan asked.  

Keith nodded.  “I think so, unless you want me here.”  That would be an odd request. Keith had a perfectly serviceable room with his own things inside.  It might be messy, since he didn’t remember if he’d made the bed or anything last time he was here.  But if Kolivan insisted he stay with the Blade, he would. He’d just think it was annoying.

Thankfully, Kolivan shook his head.  “No, there is no reason for that. I just wanted to be able to find you if need be.”

Fair enough.  Keith nodded. He didn’t bother to give directions.  Kolivan and Awrul would both be able to smell which room was his, even after being unoccupied for so long.  “Shiro’s is across from mine, if you need anything.”

Ears perking up, Awrul turned to stare at him.  “You do not share rooms?”

“Why would we?” Keith asked.  “It’s a big castle, there’s room.”  More than enough. The Castle of Lions was meant to hold dozens and dozens of people.  Their skeleton crew took up a tiny portion of the living space available.

Awrul glanced at Kolivan, as if there was something written on his face that would clear up the confusion.  “You have been without your mate for a long time. Surely he wishes for your presence. Why would you deny it to him?”

Keith stared.

A slow, deep sigh escaped Kolivan.  It sounded like it wanted to be a groan, but he was just barely holding back.  “Keith and the Black Paladin are not mates.”

“Mates?” Keith repeated back, his voice pitching up.  He glanced down the hall, just in case someone was listening in and would get the wrong idea.  “Like- no. No! We’re not. Shiro’s a friend. That’s all.” A very good, very important friend.  One Keith relied on far too much to ever jeopardize with stupid feelings.

Apparently the news was so shocking that Awrul totally dropped his composure.  He gaped right back at Keith. “You’re not? Why!”

“Because we’re not,” Keith said, his voice going colder.  “What does it matter?”

“You-”  Awrul shook his head, running his hands over the short, velvety fur on top of his head.  “Oh.”

Kolivan eyed Awrul.  “Enough. This is a personal matter, and not your concern.  It is their business.”

Finally, Awrul seemed to settle back down.  “Alright. It’s just weird.” He paused, then his eyes narrowed.  “So the Black Paladin is unattached?”

Immediately, Keith’s chest tightened, and every muscle tensed.  He ground his teeth to bite back his immediate impulse to snarl.  It was deeply tempting to say that Shiro was taken - he was dating someone on Earth, or Allura, or a random alien, or anyone that would make Awrul lose that gleam in his eyes.

But Keith was still not a great liar, and it would be too easy for Awrul to check.  So he let out a slow breath and forced himself to relax. “Yes.”

“Huh.”  Awrul’s ears flicked again.  “Interesting.”

Kolivan let out a low rumble that made both of them startle and stand up straight.  “Enough. This is neither the time nor place. We will sleep, and tomorrow we have a mission.”

Right.  Keith nodded, and Awrul let out an affirmative rumble.

With that, Kolivan stalked to the closest of the guest rooms.  It opened to allow him in, and closed with finality.

“Sleep well, Keith,” Awrul called.  There was a hint of a tease to his voice, and his eyes still had that impish light.

But there was nothing Keith could do to stop that, so he just ground his teeth harder.  “You too.”

With that, Keith stalked down the hall, where he didn’t have to see Awrul’s face anymore.  The other paladin rooms were all closed, though Keith could just barely hear the sounds of some video game or another, and Pidge and Lance’s arguing voices.

Familiar.  Home.

Keith’s muscles unwound.

He paused at his door and glanced over his shoulder at Shiro’s.  There was no sound, but there was the hint of a light at the bottom.  He was awake, and probably reading up on the next day’s mission. If Keith wanted to, he could talk to him right now.  Discuss the mission in private. Sit shoulder to shoulder as they shared stories. Keith could hear that quieter, rougher tone that Shiro only seemed to use around him.

But Awrul’s shock soured that.  If he went in Shiro’s room now, Keith wasn’t going to be able to think about anything but the fact that they weren’t together.  That Keith chose, time and time again, to keep his feelings to himself. Shiro would take them well. He’d probably be flattered, the same way he always was at the Garrison when someone asked him out.  But it would still change their dynamics, as Shiro did his best not to lead Keith on anymore.

As if he needed reminding that Shiro didn’t feel the same way.

So instead Keith stepped into his own room.  His bed was indeed unmade, and there was a half-finished glass of water still on his desk.

It was his, and it was home.

Slumping down on the bed, Keith kicked off his shoes, and just luxuriated in being in his personal space.

Screw Awrul anyway.  He didn’t get to take this from Keith.  So what if he wanted to oggle Shiro? Him and the rest of the universe.  

Keith didn’t care.  He didn’t care at all.

So there.


	2. Because I Want It All

They were team Voltron, so of course nothing ever went right.

Keith had never thought the day would be saved by Pidge quoting Han Solo at the Galra.  But whatever worked, worked. He wasn’t going to complain when it meant they didn’t have to fight off several dozen full warships.

Running his hand through his hair, Keith cast a quick glance around.  The inhabitants of Wynnria were thrilled to be suddenly free of the Galra.  There had been no way to make contact with them without drawing attention to the mission.  So as far as they were concerned, Voltron had appeared out of the sky like the Arusian’s lion goddess, striking down the Galra and freeing them in less than ten dobashes.

The paladins were getting a noticeably warmer reaction than the members of the Blade, that was certain.  But even that seemed to have warmed up somewhat. Already, the wary glances were melting into the same smiles and offers that team Voltron was getting.  Keith had been asked to dance by two off the Wynnians so far, as the impromptu celebration gave way to some sort of dance. 

“No thanks,” Keith murmured, holding up his hands.  It was tempting to go back under his helmet and hopefully get less attention, but it was humid in there.  Instead, he continued to watch the festivities. Automatically, his eyes sought out Shiro, only relaxing when he spotted him near one of the little food stands.  It seemed they were giving out some kind of heavily spiced meat, and Shiro had that look like he wanted to try but didn’t want to ask.

The Wynnian bowed in acknowledgment to Keith.  “Thank you again,” they said, voice a low rumble.  They tossed their head of multicolored feathers and turned sharply.  The effect was less of temper and more to intentionally flare their wings and shawls, like that would change Keith’s mind.

“Don’t want to join the party?” Lance asked.  He had an aqua colored shawl wrapped dramatically around his neck and shoulders like a boa, and he was still flushed from the dance floor.  “You look like you could use a little fun. The Blade of Marmora aren’t doing anything to make you less serious.”

Keith rolled his eyes.  “Why would they? They’re spies, not party planners.”

“Could be both.  It’d be awesome if they were both.”  Lance glanced over his shoulder and grinned at the dance floor.  One of the Wynnians noticed his look and waved back fondly. They had bright yellow and green feathers and a slender build that hinted at being feminine.  Not that the concept meant much in space.

Yeah, some things didn’t change.

Leaning around him, Keith checked on Shiro again, curious if he’d gotten the meat.  Apparently not, because instead he was talking to Kolivan, hands folded at the small of his back.  Official business, then - Shiro stood like that when he was trying to make a good impression.

A hand shoved into his vision.  Keith yanked back, then turned his glare onto Lance.  “Sorry, were you not getting enough attention?”

“Nope,” Lance chirped back, unbothered.

Really, it was a bit annoying.  Lance had always been good at finding Keith’s buttons, but usually the same was true in reverse.  When Lance got too annoying, Keith knew how to turn it around and get him just as ruffled. But since stepping up as Shiro’s second-in-command, Lance seemed to find a level of calm he’d never managed before.  It was like he’d managed to absorb a little of Shiro’s patience, or at least how he carried himself.

Definitely annoying.  But good. It was nice to see everyone coming into their own.  Bittersweet, but nice.

“I just wanted to check in,” Lance continued, when Keith didn’t keep up the banter.  “Make sure you’re good after the mission. No one’s calling you a mean kitty on the planet.  That kind of thing.”

Keith’s brows rose.  “I’m fine. Why?”

“I dunno,” Lance said, rolling one shoulder.  “You’re probably okay. But I was checking in on everyone anyway.  Figured I’d poke at you.”

Despite himself, Keith softened.  “It’s a bit weird, to be on this side,” he admitted.  “Even now. It’s fine when it’s just the Blades on a mission, or maybe the rebels.  It’s different when it’s you guys.”

“Different for us too,” Lance replied.  He knocked his shoulder into Keith’s, his blocky armor clacking against Keith’s more slim uniform. “It’s nice to hear you on missions again.  I didn’t say that, by the way. You never heard me say it.”

Keith smiled back.  “Understood. It’s not bad seeing you in Red.  You’ve gotten better.”

Immediately, Lance’s chest puffed out.  “I have. We should race, sometime! I’d totally beat you now.  Me and Red are tight. Like this.” Lance laced his fingers together.

“You’re on.”  Keith grinned back, showing his teeth.  “I don’t want to hear you complaining when you lose.”

Knocking their shoulders again, Lance stepped away.  “When I win, Shiro’s gunna be all ‘Keith, who? Oh, yeah, that old guy.  Lance is so much cooler and funnier and a better Red Paladin. I forgot all about him, wow.’”

Despite that Lance was obviously joking, Keith’s chest went cold.  “He hasn’t forgotten about me so far,” Keith said, though his enthusiasm had definitely cooled.  “When I win, he’ll- He’ll say we both did well and then get everyone to race as part of training that day.”

“Jeez, you’re not supposed to say what he’ll literally do.  We’re bragging, Keith! Keep up.” Lance shook his head. “You’re the worst at this.”

“Sorry.”

Lance flapped a hand at him.  “Fine, whatever. Go dance. Have fun.  Make friends. You coming back to the castle after?”

“I don’t know,” Keith said, swallowing around that cold pit in his stomach.  “Probably not.”

Nodding, Lance shot him a soft look.  “Don’t be afraid to. You have to have earned some vacation time from the Blade, right?  Use it, sometime.” With a last wave, Lance disappeared back into the dance floor, arms in the air and loudly declaring his lack of a partner.  Almost immediately, he had several takers.

Keith let out a long breath, centering himself.

All this time, he’d been quietly enjoying being the one to step back.  For once, he was the one turning around and leaving, rather than everyone walking away from him.  It was always with the intention of coming back, even if he didn’t known when.

But Keith had never thought about what would happen if the team moved on.  After all, Keith had never moved on from anyone who left him. Not his mom, not his dad.  Even after Shiro came back (twice), Keith never quite expected him to stay.

What would he do if the team filled in the hole he’d left?

Wasn’t that selfish?  Keith should want them to grow without him.  Lance was doing well as the Red Paladin, and Allura had stepped up admirably to pilot Blue.  The universe needed Voltron more than it needed to satisfy Keith’s pride. Shouldn’t Lance be an amazing second-in-command, now that Keith was gone?  Wasn’t it good for Voltron if Shiro worked well with him?

Shaking his head, Keith turned and stalked away from the dance floor, as if he could walk away from the heavy thoughts.  Instead, he moved to one of the food stalls with the spiced meat. 

“Can I get two of those?” Keith asked, and pointed to the display.  The meat was displayed on skewers, and up close the smell was mouthwatering.

The stall owner nodded, though their eyes narrowed as they looked over Keith’s Blade uniform.  “Of course,” they said, tone polite despite the look. Reaching over, they carefully plucked out two, careful to keep their vibrant red feathers off the food.

“How much?”

The seller eyed him flatly.  “No charge. GAC is not worth much when there are no more Galra, yes?”

Keith’s brows rose.  He dug into the pockets of his uniform and pulled out the GAC equivalent of a few dollars.  “A lot of the coalition still use GAC to trade. Take it, please. I’d like to pay..”

Finally, the seller nodded, and some of the tension left their shoulders.  “Then yes, this is enough. Thank you for your business.”

Keith nodded and took the offered food, then faced the dance floor again.  Really, he should have just accepted the free food. His time staying the desert had taught him to conserve resources better than that.  But there was something satisfying about buying it. It wasn’t like the Blade brought in a lot of money, but they were often able to turn around and sell things they’d stolen to non-Galra traders.  It didn’t make for a decent salary, but Keith at least had money to buy a few things or bribe someone if needed.

He liked the security of knowing he could purchase something if he needed it.  It was satisfying, when he’d usually had to be careful about spending. And it made sharing feel more like a gift - it meant more, when Keith just hadn’t been handed something for free.  

That was ridiculous, but it was how Keith felt.  It was better. He didn’t think he could have explained it out loud, if anyone asked.

Stepping around the edge of the dancers, Keith glanced around for Shiro.  He idly chewed on his own meat skewer as he scanned around. Not where he’d been before, but Shiro tended to move around a lot during these talks and celebrations, so that wasn’t a cause for alarm.  Just look for the Voltron armor and taller than everyone but Hunk, and-

There he was.

With Awrul.

Keith’s stomach dropped.

It was fine.  Really, it didn’t matter.  Keith had never seen Shiro reply to flirting with anything but fond indulgence.  It wasn’t like Awrul was going to change that track record.

Or so Keith had thought.  But Awrul had a hand on Shiro’s shoulder, the edge of his gloved thumb brushing against the raised collar of the Voltron armor.  Shiro’s face was open and amused, eyes bright as he laughed over something. He seemed relaxed, despite the way that Awrul was nearly leaning into his space.  Like most Galra, Awrul was taller than Shiro, but only by a few inches, and he had a more defined nose and shorter fur than most. He was certainly alien, but his features were more human-esque.

There was no way Shiro was interested.  Keith couldn’t imagine he’d ever be interested in a Galra anyway, after everything he’d been through.

Then again, Shiro had accepted that Keith was Galra instantly and without bother.  He’d been intensely connected to Ulaz from the moment he remembered him. And if Awrul looked like any Galra they met, it was Ulaz.  They had the same sort of build - tall, long legs, lanky - and they were the sale pale purple color with the same short fur. 

Was that someone that Shiro would respond to?

The bile in Keith’s stomach boiled, like it was trying to climb back out of his throat.  Before he even knew what he was doing, Keith stalked forward, a low growl in the back of his throat.

As he approached, Shiro spotted him walking over.  Immediately, his expression brightened. “Ah, Keith, there you are.  You did great today.”

Keith shot Awrul a quick look as satisfaction filled him.  Hah. Shiro had been looking for him. He’d wanted to give Keith compliments.  What did Awrul have?

“Everyone did great.  Though, I’d feel better if next time Pidge didn’t try to recreate scenes from Star Wars.”  Keith stepped up next to Shiro. Maybe he was hovering a little closer than normal, but what did that matter?  He was free to do that. Shiro was his friend. His best friend, who deserved better than someone like Awrul. Yeah, he was fine to work with, and he could be occasionally funny, but he didn’t deserve Shiro.

Shiro shook his head, but he was smiling widely.  “I would too. Especially if she wasn’t quoting scenes that got them caught.  I was dreading hearing the words ‘boring conversation, anyway.’ But it worked, so I guess I can’t complain.”  He nodded to Awrul, who didn’t look away from Keith at all. “Awrul was just telling me about one of your previous missions.  Sounds like you got a little caught on a stray cable, huh?”

Eyes narrow, Keith stared at Awrul.  He got a raised brow and just a hint of a smirk back.

Jackass.  Keith had liked this jerk until yesterday.  Now he didn’t remember why.

“Just for a second,” Keith said, tone darkening.  “I cut myself out almost immediately.”

“While his jets were still active,” Awrul added, finally dropping his stupid arm from Shiro’s shoulder.  But as if to make up for it, he leaned in closer. Close enough that he had to be able to smell that mixture of sweat and earthiness that Shiro put off.  “He shot off in a tumble.”

Shiro’s smile widened, and his eyes went bright with fond mischief.  “I believe that. Always in a hurry.” He looked back at Keith, head tilted.  “And then he probably twisted up like a cat, and looked like he’d always meant to do that.”

There was a pause.  “I do not know what that is,” Awrul admitted.

“Sorry, you wouldn’t.  It doesn’t matter.” Shiro’s smile went slightly apologetic.  Even now, he didn’t seem bothered at the Galra less than a foot away and looming over him.  Why not? Why was Shiro just smiling over this? 

Awrul nodded, ears tilted back slightly.  “You could tell me about them. I think it would be useful, if you believe this cat is much like Keith.”

“Next time you’re on the castle with us,” Shiro agreed easily.  “We have pictures and video. It’d make it easier to explain.”

What?  No. Keith ground his teeth and tightened his grip on the meat that was supposed to be for Shiro.  “I think Leader would prefer that Awrul not leave his mission to go mess around with cat videos.”

“Maybe not right now,” Shiro agreed.  He stepped closer to Keith, some of the amusement draining from his face.  “Next time you happen to be on board.”

Awrul’s ears perked up at the offer, and didn’t twitch back at all from Keith’s less-than-subtle reprimand.  “I would like that. Whenever you have time, Black Paladin. I know that you take on more than your fair share of responsibility, so I know that you do not always have time.  Whenever you have the chance, I would very much enjoying watching these videos.”

A faint hint of pink colored Shiro’s cheeks, and his eyes went wide.

Just from acknowledging how obviously busy Shiro was?  Whenever Keith made noises about how Shiro took on too much, he got glares.  Why was it flattering from Awrul?

“I wish to try some of the meats here,” Awrul said.  “Would you like some as well, Black Paladin?”

No.  No! Keith bared his teeth.  “I have it covered.” He held up the skewer to Shiro, perhaps more sharply than was needed.

Head tilted, Awrul snorted.  Then he nodded. “If you need more, Black Paladin, please let me know.  I would be happy to provide for you.”

A thick knot of fury formed in Keith’s throat.  

Over his dead body.

“I appreciate that,” Shiro said. All the amusement was gone from his voice, and when Keith glanced up, his lips were pressed thin.  But he took the skewer. “Thank you for talking with me.”

“Anytime.”  With that Awrul finally scampered off, hopefully to annoy someone else for the rest of the evening.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Shiro whirled to face Keith.  “What was that about?” He asked, lips pulled down.

At first, Keith tensed against Shiro’s temper. He’d been rude and he knew it.  The way he’d stormed up and interrupted their talk made Keith look like the bad guy, even though Awrul had been the one getting in Shiro’s business and offering to provide like that.

But Shiro didn’t sound mad.  He sounded worried.

He was taking Keith’s side.

A complicated mixture of elation and guilt burst in Keith’s chest, like he’d swallowed mini fireworks.  Shiro believed Keith over Awrul. Even after that display, he was going to take Keith’s word about what had happened.

Except that Keith really hadn’t been acting on his best behavior.

“It’s hard to explain,” he admitted.  “Just be careful of him, alright? It’s a Galra thing.  Body language. He was being… forward.”

Shiro’s brows rose.  “Forward in a bad way?”

Keith nodded, ignoring the icy guilt in his gut.  Awrul deserved it anyway. What did he think, he could just walk up and get with Shiro because Keith wasn’t screwing him?  Just because Shiro wasn’t taken didn’t mean that Awrul was allowed to act like he was some common lay.

“Alright,” Shiro said.  “I’ll be careful. He did seem a bit friendly, but I thought he just might be more outgoing than most of the Blade.”

Pausing, Keith shrugged a shoulder.  “A little. Not by much. But no, that was… not really appropriate.  With the touching.”

Shiro frowned, considering.  “Just on the shoulder? I touch you like that all the time, and you touch me.  Why is that weird?”

Cheeks pink, Keith looked away.  “It’s fine with us. We grew up on Earth, it means something different.  But for Galra it’s really flirty. The neck is like that.”

“Oh.”  Shiro processed that, finally taking a bite of his skewer.  “Should I stop? At least in front of the other blade.”

“No!”  The force of Keith’s shout startled them both.  “No. I don’t want you to stop. It’s our thing.  Just be wary if someone does it to you, okay?”

Shiro nodded slowly, chewing thoughtfully.  “Alright, I can do that. Thank you for looking out for me.  Both ways.” He waggled the skewer.

Nodding, Keith finally relaxed.  They were good, and Shiro knew better, now.  This wouldn’t happen again. “You like it?”

“Mmm,” Shiro agreed, taking another mouthful.  “Good smell, too.”

Keith’s chest puffed up like Lance’s had earlier.  “Good.” He offered the half he had left of his. “I’m not actually that fond of it.  Too much spice. You want the rest of mine?”

Shiro’s eyes brightened.  “You sure?” When Keith nodded, he took that one too.  “Thank you.” He held both sticks in his right hand, held between his knuckles.  With his other hand, he ruffled Keith’s hair. “You’re all sweaty from your helmet.”

Eyes closed, Keith enjoyed the brief contact, and the warm sensation of Shiro fussing over him.  “It’s not that bad.”

“It’s pretty bad.  Better watch out that Lance doesn’t start making fun.”

Lance could tease all he wanted if it meant Shiro kept combing Keith’s bangs out of his eyes.

“Want to see what else they have?” Keith asked.  “I have some GAC if we need it.”

Pulling his hand back, Shiro finished off his original skewer.  “I’d like that. I know there’s a stall giving out those shawls.  We should get some. And on the way, you can tell me about how you managed to get caught in that cable.”

Keith rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hide his smile as he started to explain.

This was right.  This was how it should be.  Keith providing for Shiro, and Shiro returning it with how he looked out for Keith.  It was how they had always been, and how they always should be. Awrul and Lance both be damned.  Maybe it was friendship, but it was the best relationship Keith had ever had. And no one else was going to get in the way of that.

***

Several hours later, as the sun began to set, Keith leaned against Shiro’s side.  Above them, floating balls flickered with warm light, as if they were filed with bright flame.  They put off heat as well, keeping the inhabitants warm even with their thin looking shawls. Keith could only feel the heat on his hair and cheeks with the armor on, but he appreciated the look of it.  He’d always liked the effect of a fire, from the golden light to the constantly shifting shadows. The only thing missing was the scent of smoke, but Keith would take it.

Shiro shifted his arm, resting it on the bench behind Keith’s shoulders.  It wasn’t quite wrapping his arm around him, but it had that encircling feel.  Like Shiro was pressing in closer.

With his eyes up and on the closest glowing orb, the gray-blue tint of his eyes was more visible, almost luminous from within.  His whole face was relaxed in the way Keith rarely saw. Not since the Garrison. Not since everything.

He missed these calm moments.  Out late, pressed together against the chill of the night, where their responsibilities and lives were too far away to bother them.  It was an acute nostalgia that pierced through his chest. Keith mostly tried to avoid missing what they’d been like at the Garrison, since there was nothing he could do about it.  He couldn’t make Shiro act like he hadn’t gone through those months of torture, or act like Keith hadn’t been set adrift so abruptly and completely. It wasn’t fair on either of them.  They were different, and Keith didn’t want to ignore that.

It still hurt, to remember how simple things had been.

Shiro glanced over, meeting Keith’s gaze directly.

Oh.  He’d been staring, hadn’t he?  Keith blinked, then looked back away, looking up at the ball instead.

“This has been nice,” Shiro finally said.  His tone was that rougher, softer tone he used when it was just them.  “It’s been a while since we had any time to just relax.”

Keith glanced back over, and this time kept Shiro’s gaze.  “Yeah, you guys have been run ragged recently. It’s good to see everyone relax.”

Lips pressed thin, Shiro nodded.  “Well, yes, that’s true. But I meant… well, us.  I think the last time we spent time alone like this was back before I started the Kerberos training.”

“We’ve been alone since then.”  Keith paused, thinking about it.  “Training or talking. You’ve been in my room before.  Including when we got you out of that Galra ship.”

“That’s not the same thing.”  Shiro ducked his head down. The shorter bangs didn’t quite managed to cover his eyes anymore.  “We’ve hung out, but not off of the castle. Not like when we used to go out to the town, or in the desert.  Nothing like when you dragged me out hiking for spring break.”

Keith cracked a smile.  “It wouldn’t have been so bad if you weren’t such a baby.”

“There was a lizard in my shoe!  I think being startled was a reasonable reaction.”

The smile grew as Keith leaned his head on Shiro’s shoulder.  “City boy.”

“Feral child.”  Shiro leaned his head on top of Keith’s, warm and solid.  “What I mean to say is that it’s been good to have you around again, if only for a few hours.  I know the Blade of Marmora is important to you. I know it’s been good for you, too. You seem more centered than you used to be.  I just miss you.”

Keith’s ribs felt like they were suddenly too small for everything inside him.  He leaned more firmly into Shiro’s side and closed his eyes. “I miss you too. I miss everyone.”

“Can I ask what’s different?”  Shiro took a deep breath, then let it go.  “Maybe that’s a bad thing to ask. But I’m curious.  You seemed happy as the Red Paladin, and you have great instincts as the Black Paladin.  Better than me, probably, if retrieving the piece of the teleduv said anything. But you’re more… steady, now.  I’m curious what the difference is. If- well, if I was doing something wrong by you.”

Keith pulled back so he could stare at Shiro.  “You- no. No, you didn’t. I was happy as the Red Paladin.  Really, I was. Being the Black Paladin was, uh, different. But what’s changed doesn’t have anything to do with that.  I feel like I know myself better? I know that sounds weird, but I was always different on Earth. You know some of it. But now stuff makes more sense.  Not everything, but there’s finally reasons for why my nose was so sensitive, or why I weigh so much even though I’m not that broad. And I have an explanation for this.”  He pulled out the blade and rested it on his palm, so Shiro could see the crest.

Fingers out, Shiro hesitated as he waited for permission.  He didn’t touch until Keith nodded, and then he traced the design.  “That’s not weird at all. It makes total sense. I’m glad you understand yourself and your body better.”

“Those things never mattered to you,” Keith replied, putting the blade back away. 

Shiro paused, then frowned.  “I cared that they mattered to you.  But we didn’t understand them, and I know they weren’t always easy for you to deal with.  They didn’t affect our friendship or the things we did together. I never meant to minimize them, though.”

“No, that’s not a bad thing.  I’m glad they didn’t matter. People always find me so weird to be around, but you never even blinked at some of my weirdness.”  Keith swallowed and shrugged. “I’m thankful. You made me feel normal.”

“You were never normal, Keith,” Shiro replied, voice soft.  His fingers curled in the air, like he wanted to brush against something, and then his hand dropped.  “But not because your eyes were reflective, or because you could smell any food I had stashed in my room. It was because you never gave up, and because you set goals for yourself and went so far above to meet them.  It’s because you’ve never let anyone stand in your way, no matter who they were or what they said. You were always special, and it was just because of who you are as a person. I admire that about you. I always have.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Keith stared at Shiro.  His heart pounded, filled with so much affection it felt like it wanted to break from of him.

In the light of the fire orbs, Shiro’s eyes looked brighter.  His shoulders were relaxed, almost sheepish, and his lips curled warmly at the corners.  There was relief in his posture, like he’d admitted something he always meant to.

How was it that Shiro could through so much could stay so soft?

It made Keith want to pull him close and tuck him away.  To wrap Shiro up in his arms and snarl at anyone who came near.  The universe took so much from him, from both of them. It kept trying to tarnish Shiro’s spirit, and Keith refused to let it.  Whatever it took, no matter how many times, Keith would protect him.

“Thank you.”  Keith reached up and cupped the back of Shiro’s neck, pulling him down.  For a moment, Shiro’s eyes went wide, and the stiffened as he was yanked forward.  But then their foreheads met, resting against each other, and Shiro relaxed.

“No need to thank me.  It’s just the truth.” Shiro smiled again, just as warm.  “Take the time you need. But we’ll be waiting for you.” He paused, then swallowed hard.  “I’ll be waiting for you.”

Keith’s eyes went wide.  Then he shut them hard, clenching against the first threatening burn of tears.  “I- maybe.” What else was Keith going to learn about himself? What else was he waiting for with the Blade?

Yes, Keith had enjoyed being the one to walk away and come back.  But he’d never planned on staying away forever.

Shiro always came back to him.  Keith should return the favor.

“I’ll talk to Kolivan about it,” he said.  “Not right away. But maybe soon.”

Shiro’s mouth fell open, and then he beamed.  Then expression fell away quickly, though, replaced by wariness.  “I don’t want to pressure you. Come home when you’re ready, and not just because I miss you.  I want you to do what’s right for you, and not for the team.”

That would be new.  Just a few months ago, Shiro had been determined to make Keith take a position he didn’t want and to replace him.  He’d pushed Keith into a place that Shiro couldn’t help aching for. 

“What would I do?” Keith asked, his fingers curling up and then dropping into his lap.  “On the team. Don’t ask me to push you out of the Black Lion again. I won’t do it.”

Shiro opened his mouth, then closed it.  “We can figure that out. Talk with everyone.  Maybe you and I can trade off, or you can trade off with Lance, or Lance with Allura - we can talk.  We can make it work. And if you want to come back home to do nothing but be there, we’d welcome you.”

Yes, but that wasn’t what Keith wanted.

This was part of why he’d run.  It was so complicated. The questions of who belonged where and why.

Complicated was messy and difficult.  It meant butting heads and getting things wrong.  Keith had never had time for those kinds of considerations.  He tried to find the most direct path between himself and a problem and just tackle it.  These kinds of entanglements, of people and prides and shades of gray - those had never been his strong suit.

But maybe it was time to stop avoiding the things he wasn’t good at handling.

Maybe Keith was finally settled enough in his skin to try.

“I won’t make promises now,” he said.  “Not yet. But I’ll let you know.”

Shiro smiled and nodded.  The movement pressed the strands of his bangs into Keith’s, tangling them between their foreheads.  “Fine. Not tonight. Tonight is for fun.” He glanced over, watching the festivities still going on.

By now, the little shops had mostly broken down, except for a few serving drinks.  Instead, benches like the one they were on had been brought out. Most were grouped together under the balls of light, and many of the denizens were huddled together under them.

The dance floor, on the other hand, had only increased in size.  In the lighting, it was hard to see the colors of the different feathers anymore - it was just warm hues and cool shadows, interrupted by the swirls of shawls.  In the midsts, Keith could occasionally pick out pieces of armor - a gauntlet, a shoulder guard. At least one paladin was probably dancing in there.

Shiro followed his gaze, his brows up.  “Is that Lance in there? Remind me to go get him out of there in a bit and make sure he’s not overdoing it.  We need him able to stand in the morning.”

“Eh, let him learn the hard way.”  Keith nudged his arm. “We can take care of ourselves, you know.”

The smile flickered, then returned.  “Yeah. You can. I guess I’m in the habit of looking out for you all, though.”  He continued to watch the chaotic spin of the dancers. There was something distant to his eyes, and the slump of his shoulders was just a little bit rueful.

Back before everything, Keith remembered that Shiro used to enjoy dancing.  More than once, he’d tried to convince Keith to learn certain steps, claiming it helped with agility and balance.  Like he needed the help with those traits. More likely, Shiro had just been bored and wanted to dance with a good excuse.

He was probably feeling nostalgic, now.

So Keith stood and offered his hand.  “Want to join them instead?”

Shiro froze, mouth just slightly open.  “You want to dance. You.”

The disbelief was unnecessary.  Keith was perfectly capable of dancing.  It just wasn’t something he usually did, especially publicly.  Even less so when Shiro was trying to trick him into it because he was bored during their spars at the Garrison.

“Yeah, why not?”  Keith arched his brow and dared Shiro to comment.  “You don’t think you can keep up?”

Eyes flashing, Shiro took the hand and pulled himself up.  Without pausing, he made a beeline through the milling crowds.  “Oh, you asked for this. You literally asked for this.”

The heat of Shiro’s hand in his took Keith’s breath away, keeping him from answering right away.  By the time he could remember how words worked, they were already in the middle of the dancers. There were people flailing and spinning around, moving with the unfamiliar music.

“What do I do?” Keith called, clutching tighter at Shiro’s hand.  “I don’t know this song, or what they’re doing.”

“No one’s doing anything in particular.  They’re just having fun.” Shiro pulled him closer, then raised their joined hands up.  “Here, just spin. That’s all everyone’s doing.”

Keith shot him an unsure look, but obligingly spun in place.  When he finished, Shiro put a hand on the small of his back. Then he physically lifted Keith an inch off the ground with the grip and pulled him in close.

“Just have fun,” Shiro said, shrugging.  His cheeks were flush, and his eyes flashed with familiar mischief.  

It was the most he’d looked like he had at the Garrison in months.

Which made the awkwardness more than worth it.

They swayed together, only barely listening to the music.  Their hands were still clasped, held up against their sides, while Shiro shifted his grip to Keith’s hip.  Not sure what to do with himself, Keith copied the action.

This wasn’t hard.  It was just kind of rocking back and forth in a circle.  The dances around them faded into blurs of shadow and light, out of focus.

Instead, Keith’s eyes traced over Shiro’s warm expression.

“Want me to spin you too?”

Shiro’s brows rose.  “You can’t get your arm high enough for that.”

Probably true.  Keith stared back at him.  “I could dip you instead.”

“I don’t feel like getting dropped, thanks.”

Keith puffed up, though his outrage was all show.  “I’m stronger than I look and you know it. I’ve carried Galra bigger than you for way longer.”

Shiro considered, then took hold of Keith’s hand on his hip.  He guided it up and back, so it was at the small of Shiro’s back.  “Alright. Go for it, then. If I hit the ground, you’d better run.”

“I won’t drop you!”

Leaning back, Shiro hesitated, still clearly holding his own weight.  But when Keith didn’t falter, he trusted him with more and more, until he had only one foot on the ground, with his head below his hips.

“Told you,” Keith said smugly.

Shiro beamed back, flushed and nearly giddy.  “You did. I’m glad I trusted you.”

Heart pounding, Keith looked away.

Only to see Awrul standing on the edge of the dance floor.  Watching them.

Keith nearly dropped Shiro after all.  Instead he tugged him back to his feet, then whirled them around until he couldn’t see Awrul anymore.

Why did he feel guilty?  There was nothing to be guilty over.  Keith was dancing with his friend. That wasn’t a problem.

“Teach me some steps?” He asked, ignoring his heart thudding in his throat.

“Sure,” Shiro said, squeezing his hand back.  “Let’s try a waltz.”

Putting all thoughts of Awrul in the back of his mind, Keith focused completely on Shiro’s words, and the heat pouring off of him.

***

“This is not fair to the Black Paladin, you know.”

Keith froze at the door to his room. He turned to glare at Awrul, who only frowned back.

“Being a friend isn’t fair?” Keith drawled back, jaw set.  “We might have different definitions.”

But Awrul only snorted and crossed his arms.  “Claiming him as yours like that, and chasing off competition, when you have no intention of seeing it through.”

Claiming him as- seriously?

Keith stepped forward, so he was deeply into Awrul’s personal space.  He didn’t back up at all, but his fur visibly bristled.

Good.

“Shiro makes his own choices.  I’m not getting in your way - he just doesn’t want you.”  Keith tilted his head up and bared his teeth. “That’s your problem, not mine, and not his.”

Awrul just narrowed his yellow eyes.  “And that has nothing to do with the way you rub your scent all over him and play on his affections for you, of course.  He deserves better than to be held in reserve if you ever feel like claiming him. An omega like that could be courted by anyone he wished.”

A what?

What the hell had Awrul just called Shiro?  Words that didn’t translate were usually slang, and very often nasty.

Keith shoved forward again, with enough force to push Awrul into the hallway wall.  “Don’t call him that!”

Grunting with the impact, Awrul frowned at him.  “Call him what?”

“Omega.  Whatever that was.  Don’t call him that!”

Now Awrul looked downright baffled.  “That’s what he is! What is your problem?”

“What’s it mean?” Keith snapped back, not backing down for an instant.  If Awrul had just called Shiro a hot piece of ass - or worse - then he was going to be a smear of purple on this wall.

Slowly, Awrul slumped against the wall.  Now he looked downright concerned. “How can you not know what an omega is?  All the scent marking, the protecting - you were feeding him yesterday, like you’re his mated alpha!”

Keith stilled, though he still didn’t move away and let Awrul up.  “I don’t see what any of that has to do with whatever an alpha or an omega is.” Wasn’t that some kind of religious thing?  Or Greek or something?

“First Mother,” Awrul breathed.  He covered his face with both his hands, then slowly ran them down.  “You don’t- you really don’t know. That explains a lot.”

“Just tell me what it is!”

Awrul shook his head.  “Oh, no. This is not my job.  This is above my pay grade. You need to talk to Kolivan about this.  Now.” He let out a choking noise, and then another. It took Keith a moment to realize it was a laugh, if a hysterical one. “You don’t know about- oh,  _ Mother.” _

Clearly, Keith wasn’t going to get anything out of Awrul right now.  Punching in his face would be so satisfying after all this frustration, but instead Keith backed off and let him up.  “Fine. If we need Kolivan, let’s go get him.”

“Yeah.  Let us go.” Awrul turned and started down the hallway, clearly expected Keith to follow.  He did, if reluctantly.

Keith had the sinking suspicion his Galra knowledge was much more lacking than he’d realized.


	3. Choking Out Your Alibis

Keith’s head hurt.

It was like cramming for the worst test ever, if he’d also been told his grade would also affect Shiro’s.

He looked up one last time at Kolivan, still hoping this was some complex, long-form kind of hazing.  But Kolivan stared back, jaw set and arms crossed. Frankly, he looked unhappy to have to have this conversation at all.  If Keith had to make a comparison, it was like Iverson being told he had to give the sex talk.

And wasn’t that a mental image.

This whole new world of being a Galra had just been dumped into Keith’s lap.  He’d never even considered that their concepts of partnerships and romance might be different from humanity.  But the words were more like he’d apply to animals, and the concepts were so base.

Alpha.  It was a word he’d have to get used to applying to himself, apparently.

“I don’t understand,” he finally said, looking between Kolivan and Awrul.  “Shiro’s not Galra. How can he be omega or alpha or any of that?”

Kolivan’s lips tugged down forward.  “It is not a term exclusive to Galra.  Anyone can be omega or alpha. It is a tendency, not a physical feature.”

Awrul glanced at Kolivan, then sighed.  “Omega is just a term for someone who tends towards taking care of others.  They tend to be caretakers. Doting. Motherly.”

‘Motherly’ wasn’t a word that Keith would have applied to Shiro.  There was the occasional crack about him being the team dad, but that wasn’t serious.  Honestly, it was mostly to tease him for being the oldest, and for being the one to tell the team to stop goofing off.

On the other hand, he could see it.  Shiro looked after everyone else before himself.  He checked in with everyone, and always offered an ear when needed.  He was warm and gentle when needed, and protective when those under his care were crossed.

“So then I’m not really an alpha?”  At the flat looks, Keith shrugged. “I mean, you said it’s not a real thing.  It’s just a term. Like a description.”

“The concept is real, but there is no physical sign of being an alpha or an omega.”  Kolivan sighed. “There used to be stronger physical traits associated with the terms.  Body types that were considered idea. As there are less and less pure Galra, those terms have become more meaningless.  For the most part, it describes a personality type. So yes, someone could change between one or the other, or not fit either.  But you very much do.”

Awrul snorted.  “I’ll say. You charge in headfirst, you are quick to push back, you act rather than hold back.  And you don’t listen to anyone but your omega.”

“I listen to people other than-”  Keith winced as Awrul’s smirk grew.  Yeah, he’d walked into that one. “Fine.  So I get that. So I’ve been… claiming Shiro.”

Both of them stared him down wordlessly, apparently not thinking it needed to be stated.

It was just galling, that Keith had apparently been broadcasting his interest to every Galra around.  What had always felt like the natural parts of his and Shiro’s friendships turned out to be leftover Galra mating habits.  Feeding each other, constant contact, especially on the neck and wrists, fierce protectiveness.

That all felt so normal, though.  Even on Earth. Yeah, they’d gotten weird looks on occasion, and Keith had certainly been accused of sleeping with the Garrison’s favorite pilot to try and get some kind of benefit.  But other than that, they were just really close friends.

“What does it matter, anyway?” Keith asked.  “If this is all leftover from thousands of years ago.  If Shiro’s an omega and I’m an alpha, why can’t we just be close friends?”

“Of course you can,” Kolivan said.  “If that is how your relationship will progress, there is no problem.  There is a tendency for alphas to end up with omegas, however. It’s a social pressure.”

Awrul snorted.  “It’s biology.”

“We are more than biology,” Kolivan disagreed flatly.  His ear twitched toward Awrul, but he didn’t otherwise react.  “There is a belief that alphas and omegas pair well. It is considered an optimal balance in personalities for creating a family.  Alphas are thought to be more proactive, and better at handling external problems. Omegas are good at managing personalities and internal problems.  There is also the belief that an omega will care for everyone around them, and that the alpha will care for the omega. Omegas used to pick the most alpha personality as their mate of interested parties.”

…Yeah, alright, Keith could see how that applied to him and Shiro.

So apparently they were well balanced to create a Galra family unit.  

That shouldn’t have made Keith’s heart pound.  It was as stupid as finding out their star signs were supposed to be compatible.  He’d spent weeks turning that over in his mind before deciding the whole thing was stupid, and definitely nothing to get his hopes up after.

Same thing here.

But apparently this was leftover biology.  An evolutionary leftover.

Did that make his attraction to Shiro just a quirk of nature?  Part of his heritage just said these personality traits and features were attractive, so he’d latched onto Shiro as the best example who was kind to him?

Keith’s stomach went cold at the very thought.

What if his feelings were Shiro were all just shallow biology?  All the affection, all the love he’d been hiding - was it real?

“If you do not wish to pursue the Black Paladin, that is your decision,” Awrul said.  “But your behavior toward him has been poor, if unintentionally. I admit, your lack of understanding does make more sense.”

Shaking off his darkening thoughts, Keith scowled at Awrul.  “Just because he’s an omega or whatever doesn’t mean you can get into his pants.”

Awrul stared him back down.  “That is not the point. The way you’ve been acting claims him as a mate, but without following through.  You are broadcasting a lie about his status without his knowledge.”

So, basically, Keith made it look like Shiro was wearing a wedding ring without letting Shiro know.

Well, so what if he was?  It wasn’t like Shiro was interested in someone like Awrul, the weaselly jerk.  It didn’t matter that Keith had thought he was an alright person until two days ago.  ‘Alright’ wasn’t good enough to catch Shiro’s eye. Why not protect him from people who’d try to take advantage?

Except-

Except those thoughts weren’t fair.  Just like Awrul was saying, it was making a decision for Shiro without telling him.  Yeah, Keith didn’t think anyone was worthy, but that wasn’t his call. It was Shiro’s.

Dammit.  _  Dammit. _

The idea of Awrul even putting his paws on Shiro made Keith feel like his blood was catching fire.  It had nothing to do with wanting to save Shiro for himself, and everything to do with the fear that someone would hurt him and take him away again.

Keith took a deep breath, then slowly let it out.

It wasn’t his choice.  Shiro was an adult, and he could decide for himself.  If he said no, and Awrul decided to push, then Keith would have the pleasure of ripping him to shreds.  But not until then.

This sucked.

“I got it,” Keith said dully.  “I’ll stop.”

Kolivan arched his brows.  “Or tell the Black Paladin what your behavior means and let him decide.”

Keith shook his head hard.  “No. It’d give him the wrong impression.”  Or, rather, it would give him the right impression, and Keith wouldn’t survive the inevitable damage to their friendship.  “I’ll just cut it out.”

“That is your decision,” Kolivan said flatly.  His eyes said ‘you’re an idiot, but I the consequences are on you, so I’m not arguing with you.’

Fair enough.  Keith felt like an idiot too.

Pushing himself to his feet, Keith took a deep breath.   “I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

“Sleep well, Keith.”  Kolivan nodded back.

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

With a last glance at both of them, Keith turned out and walked out.  As soon as the door closed behind him, he broken into a sprint and ran to his door before anyone could spot him.

As soon as he was undressed, he collapsed into his bed and pulled the covers up over his head.  Then he buried his face in his pillow and dug his fingers into the fabric.

How much of Keith’s feelings were real, and how much were just because Shiro checked the boxes of an omega?  How much was biology, and how much was admiration for the kind of person Shiro was?

How was Keith supposed to tell the difference?

“Shit,” he sighed, pressing his eyes tightly closed.

He had to figure it out.  He had to know. And he had to keep Shiro from every finding out about his stupid feelings.

Keith could only see one option.  But it hurt his heart to contemplate.

***

The next morning, Keith stepped out of his room in full Marmora armor.  He paused at the door, eyes across the hallway. But there was no light on under Shiro’s door.  That wasn’t really a surprise. Shiro was always up early, even at the Garrison. It would be a mistake to call him a morning person, but he was never one for staying in bed long.

The thought pulled at the corner of his lips, but it faded quickly.  Instead he took a deep breath and made his way down the hall.

It was still early, so most members of Voltron weren’t up yet.  Hunk and Pidge were at the table, huddled together with their laptops out.  They didn’t even look up as the dining room door opened, so they had to be deep in a project.  Awrul was across the table from them, swirling his goo around in a bowl in a way that suggested he would much rather be eating more of Hunk’s cooking.  His eyes were on Kolivan and Shiro, who sat together near the head of the table.

At the sight of him, Shiro brightened.  “Keith. Good morning.” He used his foot to push out the chair next to him.

Keith’s chest felt warm at the easy invitation, but he stepped around the chair like he didn’t notice the motion, and instead sat on Kolivan’s other side.  Step one of ‘don’t be a creepy alpha’ was not to spend so much time in Shiro’s personal space. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

For a moment, Shiro’s brows went up, but he shook off the subtle rejection.  “About as well as usual. Better than some of ours did. I’ll be surprised if Lance can move without pain.  How about you?”

Considering how long he’d been dancing?  Keith was surprised no one had to carry Lance back to the castle.  

“Fine,” Keith replied, a practiced lie if there ever was one.

Shiro’s eyes narrowed further.

Caught.  Instantly and immediately.

Keith swallowed around the complicated mixture of joy and disappointment in his throat.  It still felt good to have someone know him so deeply and still care about him, but how was he supposed to pull back if Shiro could see through him like that?

“Did you think more about what we discussed last night?”  Shiro tilted his head, eyes still painfully direct.

Stomach icing over, Keith nodded.  “I did. But, actually, I’m not sure it’s a good idea anymore.”  He turned to Kolivan, head held high, and ignored Shiro’s widening eyes.  “Actually, I’d like to be put on the team staying on base, here.”

Kolivan’s ears twitched, both turning to face him directly.  “Staying on the base, rather than being part of the assault teams?”  His tone stayed flat, but the way his eyes narrowed was clearly surprised.

Okay, Keith had wanted space, but he didn’t want to be excluded from the actually interesting part of this mission.  He bit back a grimace. “That won’t be immediately, I thought. We still need to get the rebels and fighters in position.”

“It will take about a movement, yes,” Kolivan replied, and only long exposure to the Galra let Keith hear the hesitation.  “We’ll need to go over procedures and call signs with you. But if you’re interested in the position, then I can assign it to you.”

Keith nodded and leaned back in his chair.  “Thank you, Leader.”

It put an awful taste in his mouth, to sign up for something so sedentary.  This was going to be a week or more of sitting around, pretending to be a good Galra soldier over the radio, and transferring Galra communications without comment or interruption.  It was probably the assignment Keith was least suited to.

But it would give him a week to get his head together.  Above all, Keith needed to know what feelings were his, and what were leftover biology.

If that meant assigning himself to a week of boring torture so he couldn’t focus on anything else, he’d do that.

With that settled, Keith finally chanced a glance at Shiro.

His eyes were wide, and he was staring at Keith in open shock.  Shiro tilted his head, the question absolutely clear.  _ Why? _

Keith pressed his lips thin and looked away.   _ No comment. _

A damning answer.  But it was better than the truth.

When he looked back up, Shiro’s gaze was focused past him on the wall.  His expression seemed neutral, but Keith could see the emotions churning behind his eyes, and the way his fingers tightened around the edge of the table.

Swallowing hard, Keith looked back down the table, for the excuse to look anywhere else.

Awrul watched the exchange, slowly chewing his goo.  He swallowed hard, then let out a long, silent sigh. If he had an opinion on the proceedings, he didn’t seem willing to give it.

By now, even Hunk and Pidge were looking up from their combined laptops.  They mostly seemed lost, if curious, but the off-feeling atmosphere was clearly bothering them.

The combined attention of the whole table was too much.  Keith pushed himself up. “I’ll be back for the strategy meeting after breakfast.”  With that, he walked out the door, and tried hard to pretend he wasn’t fleeing.

It only took a few seconds for the door to open again.

Keith wasn’t at all surprised to hear Shiro’s familiar gait.

“Did I make you uncomfortable?”

Turning, Keith met Shiro’s steady gaze.  “With what?” He answered honestly. “Saying I’m missed at home?  I know that.” Or, at least, he had hoped.

Shiro’s lips pressed thinner as he stepped over.  He kept pace with Keith’s already fast steps. “Is there another reason you changed your mind?”

Keith shrugged and stared down the hallway instead.  “I didn’t change my mind. I said maybe last night. That wasn’t a decision.”

It had been damn close to one, but Keith would cling to the lie for as long as he could.  Plausible deniability. 

Shiro took a deep breath, then let it all out.  Then, he snapped his hand out and caught Keith gently around the wrist.  “Please. Stop. I just want a minute to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Keith replied, though he did stop walking.  “We talked, and coming home sounded fun. But I’m not done with what the Blade can teach me.  And we never came up with a solution to the lions.”

“We said we’d talk about it as a group.”

“What’s there to say, except to make everyone worry?”  Keith shrugged and stared at the fingers around his arm instead of at Shiro’s face.  “This is better.”

Shiro finally let go and dropped his arms to the side.  “The team is better with you here.”

“This is better for me.”

There was a long pause.  Then, Shiro finally nodded and stepped back away.  “Okay. I thought- well. I’ve always wanted you to do what was right for you.  I’m glad you’re making that call.” His fingers clenched by his side. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”  Keith swallowed hard, and wished he could be more specific.  But he had never been good at lying on the fly, and he couldn’t explain why he was pulling back.  Even so, he didn’t understand the pain in Shiro’s eyes.

Shiro smiled, but it was bare and painfully fake.  “I’m sorry anyway. And I hope you know that you have a place on this castle on matter what.”

It was nice to hear, but Keith didn’t understand why Shiro felt like he had to say it.  “I know. It’s only a week. We can talk after.” Hopefully, Keith would have his head on straight, then.  

“It is.”  Shiro’s voice was carefully neutral, just like his smile.  But he raised his hand, fingers slightly curled and ready to be clasped.  The signal for their usual hug.

Keith’s heart froze inside his chest.

Their hug had always been such a warm, innocent gesture.  When he felt alone or cold, Shiro was solid and warm and supportive.

But now he also realized the clasped hands and proximity to each other’s necks was perfect for Galra-style scent marking.

Which of them had started that?  Keith couldn’t remember, now. It had been years ago, and they’d done it dozens, even hundreds of times since those early Garrison days.

Had Keith started that tradition as part of his instincts?

He didn’t remember.

Keith stared at the hand, then slowly looked up at Shiro.  “I can’t right now,” he admitted, heart clenching. “I’m sorry.”

Slowly, Shiro dropped his hand.  “I see. That makes sense.” His voice was hollow as he nodded.  “Okay. It’s never an obligation. I’ll- we’ll talk another time.”

With that, Shiro turned and left.  He didn’t glance back over his shoulder once as he walked back to the kitchen.

Without meaning to, Keith had hurt Shiro deeply.  He still didn’t understand the root cause, but that rejection had clearly hit home.

Everything in Keith was desperate to run after him.  To pull Shiro into one of those hugs again, and damn every Galra around who gave a shit.

But he couldn’t tell if that was his own emotions, or because he wanted to scent mark Shiro again.

Until he could tell, Keith had to hold back.  Even if it hurt them both.

The knowledge didn’t make the churning in Keith’s stomach feel better.

***

The rest of the day passed in a blur.  Keith kept his head down during the morning meeting, and kept his commentary to a minimum.  He didn’t have much to say at this point anyway. From here, all they could do was organize.  A small number of the Blades of Marmora would be stationed on the base, making sure no one suspected it was being run by the rebels.  The locals were mostly continuing their daily lives, now without the threat of Galra violence for getting out of line, and they had plans to join the rebellion once the two bases on either side of them were taken care of.  

Planning the attack would mostly be up to Team Voltron - specifically Allura and Shiro.  The rebels would be contacted and slowly moved into optimal attacking position, without gaining the attention of either of the military forces around them.  At this point, the worst case scenario was to alert either base before they were ready. If they had time to react, they would bring their forces together. Then all their work would be for nothing.

Really, Keith was barely paying attention to all of that.  There was a lot of talk about equipment and communication recording, but Keith only listened with one ear.  That was Pidge and Hunk’s area, or else the more technologically inclined members of the Blade of Marmora. It was just a lot of jargon to him.

Instead, what he kept focusing on during their final meetings was Shiro, and how he never quite looked at Keith.

It hurt, but Keith couldn’t say he hadn’t earned it.  After he’d rejected Shiro’s friendly actions twice, he couldn’t complain about Shiro putting distance between them.  Hell, it should be a good thing. That was the point of spending another week apart.

Didn’t mean Keith liked it.

Finally, all the talking ended, and Keith was given time to collect his things before he left for his mission on Wynnria.  He hadn’t come with much, and his room was already pretty cleared out, so quickly made his way to the hangar.

Kolivan was already there, but Awrul was not.  However, Lance, Pidge, and Hunk were all there.

“Hey,” Lance greeted, waving one hand.  The other was tucked into the pocket of his jacket.  He was comfortably dressed in his civilian clothes, a stark contrast to Pidge and Hunk in their armor.  “You really want to go on the most boring mission ever?”

Brows up, Keith nodded.  “Yes.”

“Your funeral,” Lance replied.  He stretched, rolling his shoulders.  “Sounds like absolute torture to me.”

“It’ll be interesting,” Pidge insisted, adjusting her glasses.  She had her backpack thrown over one shoulder, and even with the armor on it was half her size.  “I know this is old news for the Blade of Marmora, but we never get to listen to uninterrupted Galra chatter, especially in such a heavy military presence.  We’ll be able to update our knowledge of Galra tactics.”

Hunk’s lips curled up.  “And the chance to just hang around one of these bases and take apart all the secondary equipment is gunna be awesome.”

“There’s the real reason.  You nerds.”

Keith glanced between them all, lips pulling down.  “Wait, you’re going too?”

“Yeah?”  Pidge eyed him flatly.  “We talked about it like, thirty minutes ago.  Just for a couple of days, but we are.”

Lips curling up, Hunk cupped his hand by Pidge’s ear and stage whispered.  “He was too busy staring at Shiro.”

“Ah.  Yeah, that’ll do it.”

Keith straightened and glared at them.  “I was not!”

“You kinda were, dude,” Lance replied.  “Like, noticeably. More than usual.”

“I don’t stare at Shiro!”

All three of them stopped to give him a disbelieving look.  “Right,” Pidge drawled. “Just like you two don’t sit next to each other and have eyebrow conversations in the back of the room.”

“They weren’t this time,” Hunk offered.  “Actually, Shiro was wound tight this morning.”

Dammit.  Bad enough that Shiro was hurt by Keith.  The fact that people were noticing was worse.  Shiro would hate it if he found out.

Lance crossed his arms.  “Did you two have a fight or something?”

“What business is it of yours?” Keith snapped back, clenching his hands by his sides.  “We didn’t, but it doesn’t matter if we did.”

“Uh, I have to live with him for the next few days.  Practically alone, except for Allura.” Lance paused, eyes brightening.  “Actually, can you make up with Shiro and take him with you? Me and Allura can totally take care of this alone.  Some nice bonding time.”

Pidge snorted loudly.  “You mean Allura does all the work while you try and flirt with her.”

“I’d help!”

Hunk considered, then shrugged one shoulder.  “I mean, you can try.”

One hand on his chest, Lance huffed at Hunk.  “You’re supposed to be my friend! On my side!”

“It’s just the truth, dude.”

How had Keith ended up in the middle of this?  “I’m not fighting with Shiro.”

Lance looked around pointedly, then raised his brows at Keith.  The question was obvious - if they weren’t fighting, why wasn’t Shiro here to see him off?

Actually, Keith had the same question.

Lance finally sighed.  “Fine, fine. Alright, you guys enjoy your most boring mission ever.  Allura and Shiro and me will enjoy the second most boring mission ever, and we’ll all get to blow up a bunch of Galra bases after as reward.”

“We’ll see you in a couple of days.” Hunk pulled Lance for a hug, clapping him firmly on the back.  “It’ll go quick.” 

When Hunk let go, Lance swept Pidge up in a hug next, spinning her around to make her shriek.  Then he turned to Keith, hands still up in offer.

Keith hesitated, then stepped in and allowed Lance to give him a good squeeze.  He patted him once on the back, not sure what else to do.

“See you soon too, mullet,” Lance said.  “Maybe then you’ll stick around for a while longer.”

Swallowing hard, Keith shrugged one shoulder.  “Maybe.”

He hoped so.  But considering the complicated mash of feelings and thoughts in Keith’s head, it might take a lot longer than that.

The door opened, and Awrul finally stepped through.

With Shiro.

Standing very, very close.

That familiar, bubbling rage filled Keith.  Just like yesterday, he wanted to burst between them and shove Awrul away from Shiro.  

After the talk with Kolivan, Keith had a name for the sensation.  Territorial.

Like Shiro was his to claim.  To own.

It wasn’t fair.  Why couldn’t Keith control these feelings?  He didn’t want to act like Lance, furious whenever someone glanced at Allura.  He didn’t want to be out of control and acting on instincts like an animal.

Worse, Hunk’s eyes brightened with understanding as he looked between Shiro and Keith.

Keith walked past them without another word, and moved to stand by Kolivan.  “Are we heading out, then?”

“Yes.”  Kolivan straightened, hands folded at the small of his back.  “Are you prepared to go, Awrul?”

Nodding, Awrul murmured something to Shiro, who smiled back.  Then he set off at a trot to join Kolivan and Keith at their transport ship.

Only then did Shiro’s eyes drift over to Keith.  For a moment, his shoulders slumped, and he looked guilty.

Why did Shiro look guilty?

What had he been up to with Awrul just now?

Keith’s whole stomach  _ burned, _ and he fought to keep from glaring at either of them.

“Good luck to you all,” Shiro said, tone professional.  “We’ll keep you all informed. Be careful, and if you see anything suspicious, don’t be afraid to call the rest of Voltron.  Pidge and Hunk can provide support in the Green Lion, but not for very long. We’ll be there as fast as a wormhole can bring us.”

Kolivan nodded back politely.  “I doubt it will be necessary, but we will be watching carefully.  We will let you know if there are any transmissions or changes that require the plan to adapt.”  With a bow of his head, Kolivan started up the ramp.

With one last glance at Shiro, and then at the other paladins, Keith followed him up.  He glanced over at Awrul, jaw set.

Keith couldn’t resist the temptation, even when he knew it was stupid.  He had to know what they’d been up to. “What did you want to talk to Shiro about?”  He asked.

Voltron.  Work. It had to be something professional.  _ Please _ be professional.

Awrul shot him a flat, unimpressed look.  “You’re mistaken. The Black Paladin wished to speak to me about a personal matter.”  Then he sped up, avoiding further questions, at least for now.

Keith’s stomach sank as the door clicked close behind him.

Maybe this was good.  If the only thing keeping Shiro from relationships from others was Keith’s possessive behavior, then all the better to let him.  Shiro deserved to make that decision for himself and to be happy, even if it was with Awrul.

But as he settled into his seat, and stared at the closed hatch door, Keith couldn’t help but feel like he’d broken something.


	4. Destiny is Calling Me

“Want to know something funny?”

Keith bit back a sigh and glanced over at Hunk. He was surrounded by pieces of a Galra communicator, like a child at their birthday party might be surrounded by shreds of wrapping paper. He handed a piece over to Pidge, who added it to their horrible Frankenstein’s monster of a project. Keith had no idea what it was supposed to be or do, and he was better off that way.

On another day, Keith might have ignored the question, or at least pretended he thought Hunk was talking to Pidge. He had that tone. The one that meant he had a point to make, but he was going to come at it sideways. The way he glanced at Keith out of the corner of his eye was the same as during the Weblum mission, when he was looking for patches of purple fur.

But today, the only other thing Keith could do was keep focusing on the empty communication channel and wait to hear Galra chatter.

In short, he was bored enough to bite.

“What’s funny?” He finally asked, closing his eyes.

Hunk’s brows rose. “I totally thought you and Shiro were dating when we met you.”

Keith froze. “What?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure at first, when we rescued him from the Garrison. I mean, we were all super distracted, and we’d just done the most illegal thing I’d ever thought of, so I just kind of wondered. When we walked in, you were like, caressing his face? And whispering his name all soft like  _ ‘oh, Shiro!’” _ Hunk’s voice went falsetto as he reached out dramatically.

Turning around in his chair, Keith frowned. “I did not.”

Hunk held his thumb and pointer close together. “You kinda did. Little bit. Then you guys stood hip to hip and stared at the sunset for like, half an hour.”

“He hadn’t seen Earth in a year and a half. Of course he was staring. And I hadn’t seen him in that long, and he was- well, he looked different. I was hoping he’d talk about it.” Keith frowned and leaned back into his chair. “We weren’t dating.”

“I know that now. I just didn’t at first. ‘Cause, you know, you were always around each other, and there’s a lot of touching. Hands on shoulders. Eyebrow conversations. The whole lot.” Hunk shrugged and handed Pidge another part, which she took without looking away from their project. “Lance thought you weren’t, but for a dumb reason. He said Shiro has better taste in haircuts.”

Pidge snorted. “We’ve seen Shiro’s hair. That’s not true.”

“Right? That’s what I said! But Lance was all ‘no, Shiro’s hair is the best’ because, you know, it’s Shiro.”

Arms crossed, Keith frowned at them both. “Shiro’s hair is cool.”

They both stared at him flatly. “Exactly,” Hunk said. “Stuff like this is exactly why I thought you guys were dating. Thank you for proving my point.”

Keith covered his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “Okay. Fine. Whatever. You see weird things. Is there a point to this?”

“I just wanted to tell you something funny,” Hunk said, far too innocently to be truthful.

Pidge shrugged and rested her head on the top of their creation. “I thought you were too.”

Seriously? Keith groaned and flopped his head back against his chair. “What is with you guys?”

“In my defense, I thought that because Matt used to call you Shiro’s boyfriend.”

What?

Keith’s eyes snapped back open. He stared at Pidge, who smirked back. “But- why?”

“He was teasing, I think,” Pidge said. “At least, I assume he was teasing Shiro about how much he talked about you. All I heard was the boyfriend thing, so I took it at face value. It took me a few weeks to realize that you guys weren’t actually dating.”

That-

How was Keith even supposed to react to that?

He pushed his headphones back so they rested behind his ears, and he didn’t have to hear the constant crackling static anymore. “What are you guys getting at?”

Hunk shrugged again. “Just conversation. You guys have always been so close, so it’s easy to read into it. Which is why it’s weird when you guys fight. There was that little bit of time right before we found the Blade headquarters where you guys were awkward. And that time he got a little snappy for a bit when he couldn’t fly the Black Lion. But I think this is the first time we’ve seen you really not talking to each other.”

“We’re talking. We talked that morning.”

Pidge’s brows went up. “You didn’t do your goodbye hug. You guys always do.”

Why were they even noticing that? What did it  _ matter, _ and what business was it of theirs?

“So? We’ll see him soon enough.” Keith scrubbed over his face. “Would both of you just get to the point?”

Hunk glanced at Pidge, who shrugged. “We’re just worried, man. Honestly. It’s weird to see you and Shiro being awkward and distant, in a not fun way. And you’re our friends, so we’re wondering what’s up. You took  _ this _ mission. It’s pretty obvious something is wrong.”

“This is my job!” Keith sighed and pulled off his headphones completely. He could still hear the faint static, so he wouldn’t miss anything. “Not all missions are fun.”

“You could have stuck on the castle.” Pidge pressed something on the side of their hideous looking creation. It lit up and made a grinding noise. She immediately shut it back off and grimaced. “Eugh.”

“Told you the casing was too small.”

“It’s not. It’s probably out of alignment.”

“The casing is too small.”

“I measured!”

Keith rolled his eyes at them both. “And do what? Sat around while they talked to everyone? It was going to be boring anyway.”

Hunk’s brows rose as he tapped his wrench against his thigh. “But you’d get an excuse to hang out with Shiro. Instead you chose to be away from him. That’s pretty clear.”

Was that how it looked? He wasn’t wrong, but it sounded so bad when Hunk said it out loud.  “I just needed space. So this was better.”

Both of them perked at that, and only then did Keith realized he’d said more than he meant to.  Damn them both.

“Space?  Why?” Pidge scooted back from their creation and stretched her legs out.  Her joints audibly popped, proof she’d been sitting in place for too long. 

Keith bared his teeth.  “I’m allowed to want space just because.  It’s not like you don’t lock yourself in your room all the time.”

“He’s got you there,” Hunk said cheerfully, pointing at Pidge with his wrench.  “Look. You really don’t have to answer anything. Like, I’ll hate it and you’ll be responsible for my death when I keel over from curiosity.  But we’re not here to judge or anything. We just want to know if there’s something we can help with. Maybe you want to sound something out or talk.”

Pidge nodded.  “That’s how we get our best ideas.  Even just saying it out loud can help, when something is bothering you.  Or you get a second opinion.”

Keith’s first instinct was to tell them both to leave him alone.  They weren’t entitled to her personal life, even if they were his teammates and they were curious.

But part of his problem was that he couldn’t untangle what was in his head.  The past day had offered him nothing new on the perspective. All he got was increasingly tight circles of worry.  Was he treating Shiro like an object? Were his feelings genuine, or the result of instinct? How was he supposed to turn off his feelings now, when he’d tried for years?

What if Shiro started to date Awrul?  What if Shiro dated anyone?

That last one occupied a lot of his mind.

Keith wished it didn’t.

Maybe they were right.  Maybe what he needed was someone to look at his behavior and tell him if he was out of line.

He looked over Pidge and Hunk’s earnest expressions, then sighed.  “It’s just- I learned some stuff. About Galra. So now I’m just rethinking some of my behavior.”

“Toward Shiro?” Pidge asked, folding her legs right back up.  “What kind of Galra stuff?”

Ugh, he was going to have to talk about this stuff.  His biology. Galra mating. Out loud. To Pidge and Hunk.

But if he wanted to get the view from outside his head, he had to tell him.

So Keith spat out the explanation of alphas and omegas as best he could.  It was awkward, and he definitely wasn’t as clear and precise as Kolivan, but they seemed to get the basic idea.

“It’s genders,” Pidge finally said.  “Right? But genders that aren’t tied to sex.  Just to basic personality traits.”

Keith hadn’t thought of it that way, but it made sense.  “I guess. I can’t say either way, but that sounds right.”

“Alright, so you’re one of these genders, and you match it really well.”  Pidge’s lips quirked. “You’re cis alpha, or whatever.”

Sighing, Keith nodded.  “Yeah, I guess.”

Hunk rested back on his palms and tilted his head.  “So what’s the problem, then?”

“I-”  Keith winced, and seriously considered just turning around and ignoring the conversation.  By he’d gotten this far, and there was no way they were going to let him stop now. Hunk would tie him to the chair until he fed his curiosity.  “Apparently it’s a leftover that alpha types tend to be attracted to omega types. In terms of instincts. Biology. Whatever. And…”

Letting out a soft gasp, Hunk perked.  “Shiro’s pretty omega, from what you said.  Shouldn’t that be good? You’re compatible. And you _ like  _ him.”

Keith winced and covered his face.  “I don’t…”

“Keith.  Buddy. Our good friend.”  Pidge scooted over on her knees and patted Keith’s thigh.  “Do _ not _ lie to my face.”

“Don’t tell Shiro.”

Hunk let out a strangled sounding snort.  “Yeah, not planning on doing that. He wouldn’t believe us if we did.  He’s-” He winced, then flapped a hand. “Anyway. That’s good! You match in the Galra way.  Yay, everybody wins.”

“But what if it’s just that?”  Keith fiddled with the headset, rolling it over in his hands.  “What if this whole time it’s just been that Shiro’s really omega, and that’s what I like about him?”

Both paused as they considered that.

“Well,” Hunk said, drawing the word out.  “What about when Shiro’s acting less omega-like?  He has days when he’s shorter tempered, or people he’s really not nurturing with.  Like Slav, or Labos, or any of them. Do you like him less then?”

Keith blinked rapidly.

Did he?  He thought back to the moments when Shiro was at his least stereotypically omega.  When they’d first met at the Garrison came to mind, because Shiro had been mentoring him as a senior, and he’d not had a lot of patience for Keith acting out.  Back then, Keith wanted to punch his dumb face, but that had dried up once Shiro started to help him get around Iverson instead of making him act like a good little soldier.

Which way did that count?  Shiro had been helping him, and nurturing in a way, but not acting nurturing.  He’d been bright and mischievous and fun. That was what Keith had originally fallen for.

Since then, Shiro’s anger mostly came out when it was righteous.  Slav was the major exception, but usually Shiro got mad when someone was hurting someone else.  It was protective in big picture, but that was how Shiro was. He rarely got mad over individual moments.  Annoyed, sure, especially with unprofessional behavior. But not mad.

Keith didn’t think he liked Shiro less in those moments.  

But when he was most attracted to Shiro were the vulnerable moments, where he allowed himself to lean on Keith’s shoulder.  The quiet times between them, when Shiro was just happy that Keith was dancing with him.

Was that omega?  Or was it neutral?

“I can’t separate it out,” Keith finally admitted.  “I think of Shiro as caring and protective. That doesn’t go away when he’s having a bad day.”

“Are you sure this is even biological?” Hunk asked.  “Or is this, like, social? Or an overall tendency? Like some features on people being a societal beauty standard.”

Keith shrugged.  “I have no idea.”

Hunk gestured to him.  “Exactly! You weren’t raised to think these things are supposed to be attracted.  And if you are just… naturally interested in those traits, then you can’t exactly pull them out of yourself.  I like people who are gentle and sweet. You could say I’m looking for an omega too, except I’m not Galra, and I wasn’t raised that way.  I just like it. You’re allowed to have preferences. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have type.”

Oh. 

Keith continued to flip the headphones around in his fingers, running his nails along the headband.  “I guess not.”

“And, I mean, even if it was partly that, you guys have been friends forever,” Pidge said.  “Clearly you like Shiro as a person. Attraction usually have some level of base instinct, right?  Maybe not for everyone and not always, but people tend to like physical features. If you like Shiro for his personality, that’s not a bad thing.”

Slowly, Keith nodded.  “I guess. There’s not been a lot of people I liked outside of Shiro.  I don’t have a good frame of reference.”

“Were they all omega-like too?”  Hunk asked.

Thinking back, Keith considered the question.  There had been his elementary school crush on the girl two years older than him who was really fast on the monkey bars.  He’d thought she was so cool, because she could skip three bars each time she swung. In hindsight, it was a silly reason for a crush, but it wasn’t particularly omega-like.

Then there had been Bradley in high school.  He was quiet and awkward at talking to people, like Keith was, and he’d been an amazing artist.  Keith always liked hearing about the worlds he came up with, and the cool battles his characters fought in futuristic cities.  He hadn’t been particularly omega-ish either, though he was probably closer. More sensitive, though not really nurturing. The crush had ended when Brandley found other friends to hang out with, ones that also had all sorts of cool ideas for future books and comics and shows.  

He’d been attracted to a few other people, but they’d been glances on the street or passing fancies.  Nothing serious. Nothing with feelings.

And all of them paled in comparison to Shiro.

“Not really,” Keith said.  “But none of them…” He sighed.

Hunk’s eyes were warm as he looked Keith over.  “You didn’t love them.”

Shrugging one shoulder, Keith looked away.

“If you’ve liked Shiro for years, then it’s probably not shallow.”  Pidge shrugged as her lips curled on one corner. “Otherwise you would have gotten over it. It’d just be friendship now.  So what’s the problem?”

Keith stared her down.  “Other than that Shiro doesn’t like me that way?”

“You-”  Pidge let out a long sigh.  “Putting that aside for now. Hypothetically.  That’s what was bugging you? You found out about the birds and the bees and it messed you up?”

“That’s… well.”  Keith winced. “It came up ‘cause I got chewed out.  I was giving the impression that Shiro and I were dating when we weren’t.  Scaring people off, basically. Like a jealous creep. So I wanted a chance to get over it.”

Hunk’s eyes went wide.  “Oooh. Is this what’s up with that Blade guy that came with you and Kolivan?”

Keith just nodded.

Biting her bottom lip, Pidge cracked a smile, then tried to hide it.  “Sorry. It’s not funny that you feel bad. But that you were accidentally acting like the most lovey-dovey couple ever kind of is.  Glad to know it’s universal.”

“Pidge!”  Hunk nudged her.  “He’s upset.”

“It’s a little funny.”

“It’s not!”  Keith put the headset down hard on the desk.  “I shouldn’t be doing that to Shiro. I was acting creepy toward him.  Like I get to choose who he interacts with just ‘cause I’m interested in him.”

Hunk stood up, then leaned his hip against the console.  “You didn’t know. You can’t help what you aren’t told about.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.  I still did that to Shiro.”

“But Shiro didn’t know you were doing it,” Pidge pointed out.”

Keith stared at her.  “Exactly? That’s the point!”

“No.  Shiro didn’t know.”  She spread her hands, then sighed when Keith just continued to stare.  “It was probably weird to the Blade members, but you weren’t telling Shiro who he could talk to.  Maybe you kept Awrul or whoever from making a move for a while. But if Shiro was interested in someone, nothing was stopping  _ him _ from talking to them first.”

…Oh.

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Keith said, but his eyes were wide.

Hunk shrugged.  “It doesn’t make you a bad person, either.  But, Keith- your worry is that you’re taking the choice away from Shiro?”

“Yes!”

“So your reaction was to suddenly run away and not tell him what happened.”

No, Keith had…

He’d totally changed their friendship overnight without telling Shiro why.  And then he ran away.

Dammit.

“I’m really bad at this,” Keith admitted.

Hunk patted his shoulder.  “Everybody’s really bad at love.  People who are good at love aren’t to be trusted.”

Despite himself, Keith cracked a smile.  “I’ve kind of been an idiot.”

“But an idiot with good intentions.  That counts for something.” Pidge smiled at him.  “You don’t have to tell Shiro everything. Just that you’ve both been accidentally saying you’re a couple with your body language.  I don’t really understand how it works, but it’s stuff you’ve been doing for way longer than you’ve known any Galra, so it wasn’t to scare them off.  Ask if that makes him uncomfortable, and if he wants to stop. And, frankly? I don’t think he’s going to want to. Besides, friends do coupley things sometimes.  Anyone who has a problem with that is probably an ass.”

All good points.  Except the parts about admitting what he’d been doing.  That sucked, even if Pidge was right. It didn’t have to mean Keith was in love with Shiro and accidentally showing it off.  It could just be an accident of weird Galra intimacy against Earth body language.

“You’re right,” Keith sighed.

Hunk beamed.  “The best words.”

Keith glanced over at him, but otherwise let it go.  They’d earned it, listening to all this crap with very minimum teasing.  “I’ll talk to him after the mission.”

“Or you can come back with us in Green,” Pidge said.  

“I have a job here.”

Pidge eyed his abandoned headset.  “Oh, yeah. You’re real busy.”

Cheeks pink, Keith grabbed it and put it back on.  No one was yelling, so he probably hadn’t missed any calls.  “Even so. I asked for this job.” Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time that Keith had done a 180 on a mission, and Kolivan hadn’t kicked him out yet.  

“Just think about it,” Hunk said.  “For now, we have a bigger casing to make.”

“It’s just unaligned!”

While they bickered, Keith settled back in his chair to watch.  He might not understand what they were doing, but it was fascinating to watch them work.

Keith had spent hours rolling all these thoughts over in his head, trying to see the whole pictures.  And in about half an hour, Pidge and Hunk had at least given him the stepping stones to get to the right answer.

The Blade of Marmora were great.  Keith loved being a part of them. He learned about his heritage, and he made a noticeable impact on the war effort.  He felt like he did a good job, too, which was more than he could say for piloting the Black Lion.

It was nice, to be among people who got parts of himself that Keith hadn’t fully understood.

But this team did too.  Sometimes more clearly than the Blade did, even if they didn’t know a lot about Galra.

Keith didn’t just want to go home for Shiro.  It was for everyone. For Pidge and Hunk and Lance and Allura and Coran and the mice.

But especially for Shiro.

It was time to stop running just to be the one to run first.

It was time to go home.

***

“Can I talk to you?”

Awrul paused, then turned to face Keith.  “You may. Is this a private conversation?”

Glancing down the hallway around them, Keith considered.  Then he shook his head. “No, it’s just a quick question. How much of a problem would it be if I went back to the castle early?”

Awrul’s brows jumped up.  “It would require changing the schedule to cover your shifts.  But it would not be as large a problem as if a more experienced member of the team was leaving.”

Ouch.  But not wrong.  Keith still only barely knew the codes and call signs he was supposed to for this mission. 

“So it’s okay,” he said, pressing on.

“Yes, it is acceptable.  We can manage, though you will not make the others very happy with you.”  Awrul tilted his head. “You are going to speak with the Black Paladin, then?”

Keith set his jaw and met his gaze steadily.  “Yes. I’m going to apologize for my behavior.”

Awrul stared back.  Then he finally nodded.  “Good. I am glad to hear it.”

Brows up, Keith eyed him.  “You are?”

“Yes.  My complaint was that you were not treating the Black Paladin fairly by acting like he was your mate.  You are fixing that.” Awrul shrugged one shoulder, his gaze clear and calm. “You plan to be honest with him?”

Mostly.  Keith nodded.

“Good.”

Keith stepped back, so his back hit the other side of the wall.  “Is this going to be a thing? You keeping an eye on me and going after Shiro.”

There was a pause, and then Awrul snorted.  Loudly. “The Black Paladin would make a fantastic mate.  If I felt there was an opportunity, then yes, I would continue to pursue it.  But there is not. Do you know why the Black Paladin sought me out?”

The abrupt change of conversation threw Keith off.  He blinked rapidly, then shook his head. “No.” Why would he know that?

“He wished to ask a favor of me.”  Awrul closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.  “He feared he had pushed you away with his affections, and that you would continue to avoid him.  So he wanted me to keep an eye on you and to help protect you. He spent ten dobashes telling me about how amazing you are, and how you need to be kept safe for the universe, although you did not feel the same way.”

With his affections?  Didn’t feel the same way?  What did Awrul mean by-

Shiro thought that Keith had pulled away because of what they’d talked about.  Because he’d admitted he wanted Keith back just for his own sake. When Shiro said that, he had looked like he was admitting something, though Keith hadn’t understood why at the time.  

That night, when Shiro had asked him to stay...

It had been a confession, hadn’t it?  In Shiro’s typical, cards-to-his-chest way, he’d expressed himself without ever saying the words.  He’d asked Keith to come back for  _ him. _

And in response, Keith hadn’t even wanted to hug him or sit near him. He’d run away at the very first chance he got.

Oh.  He was an  _ idiot. _

Awrul pushed off the wall, and stood in front of Keith.  He put a hand on either side of his shoulders, heavy and solid.  “Go back to your castle. Speak with the Black Paladin. Clear this up.  Because if I ever have to sit through another ramble about how wonderful and special you are, I will throw myself out of an airlock.”

“Noted,” Keith managed, still wrestling with just the first sentence of Awrul’s words.  “Will do.”

“And for the love of the First Mother, just mate him and put us all out of our miseries.”

Keith went red.   _ “Mate _ him?”

Awrul frowned back.  “Did that translate badly?  Yes. Be mates. Show romantic affection.”

Ah.  

Well, that thought was still in Keith’s head. It didn’t seem to want to leave.  “I can’t promise that. But we’ll talk.”

“Good.”  With one last (condescending) pat on the head, Awrul continued back down the hall as if Keith had never interrupted him.

Once he disappeared, Keith covered his face in both of his hands and groaned.  

***

Allura stood inside the Green Lion’s hangar, smiling warmly.  “Welcome back, Hunk, Pidge- oh. And Keith, too. I didn’t realize you’d be coming back now.”

Offering a sheepish smile, Keith nodded.  “I wasn’t doing much good on that mission, honestly.  I thought I could be more help here.”

“Perhaps,” Allura agreed easily.  She stepped aside for all of them to pile out of the Green Lion.  “I’m sure we can find something to keep you occupied. We’re happy to have you here regardless.”

It was similar to what Shiro had said before, but it was still nice to hear.  From the corner of his eye, he spotted Pidge and Hunk smiling in clear agreement.

Keith was allowed here, even if he wasn’t being useful.  Because he was family, and this was his home.

He’d left, and he’d come back, and found himself still warmly welcomed.

That was worth the universe.

“Thank you,” Keith finally said, softer than he meant to.  “I appreciate that. Is Shiro around?”

Allura didn’t look at all surprised by the question.  “He’s speaking with the rebel generals now in the control room.  He should be finishing up soon.”

Nodding, Keith shot her a smile.  “Thank you. I need to speak with him, but I can find you after to talk about what you want me to do.”

Expression flattening, Allura snorted.  “No need for that. When you’re finished, it would be very appreciated if you found Lance and asked him to spar with you.  He’s been energetic recently, since he doesn’t have much to focus on.”

That Keith could do.  Actually, he was looking forward to it.  It’d be interesting to see how much they’d both improved while Keith had been away.  “I’ll do that.”

“Thank you,” Allura said, which such sincere relief that Keith had to fight back a snicker.  “I’ll speak with you after. Pidge, Hunk, you finished your project?”

Keith slipped out as Pidge and Hunk started to talk at once about the - whatever they’d been building.  Keith still didn’t know.

He didn’t really care right now, either.  He had something more important to focus on.

The door to the control room opened automatically as Keith stepped in front of it.  He could see four huge screens projected in the air, though from this side they just looked like floating, transparent blue squares.  Through them, he could see Shiro, his head held high and his hands folded at the small of his back.

To any casual onlooker, Shiro seemed no different than normal.  His voice was steady, his gaze calm.

But Keith could see the tension in his shoulders, and the way his nails dug into his palm. There was a hint of bags under his eyes, and tension at the corners of his lips.

Shiro looked worried.  Frazzled and anxious, the way that tests used to make him, but he now felt over complicated military schemes.

This time, all it had taken was Keith’s rejection.

That was a terrifying amount of power to hold over someone.  Especially someone as dear and important as Shiro.

But Keith also got a little rush at it.  Not nearly enough to overcome the regret.  But here was physical, clear proof that Shiro feared alienating Keith just as much as the other way around.

It was nice to know it wasn’t one sided.

Shiro’s eyes caught his around the floating screens.  He paused, barely perceptible, then focused back on the conversation.

“Just be sure to move carefully,” Shiro said.  “We can’t risk being noticed.”

“But not too slow.”  That was definitely Matt Holt’s voice.  “That’s a lot of ships to get in place. We can’t be glacial.”

Shiro inclined his head.  “Whatever the balance is. I trust you all to know how to go undetected.”

“We definitely know that,” Olia replied.  “So far we’re on schedule. We’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Thank you,” Shiro replied.  “If all goes well, we’ll speak again in two quintents.”  He nodded to them all, and after a few seconds, the screen started to disappear.

Then it was just the two of them in the room.

Shiro swallowed hard, his shoulders slumping.  “Keith,” he said, voice that same soft, private tone.  “I didn’t expect to see you today.” 

“I know.  But I needed to talk to you.”  Now that he wasn’t interrupting the meeting, Keith stepped up to him.  Despite all he’d learned and the conclusions he’d come to, Keith’s shoulders still tightened with nerves.

He was scared.

But that was a piss-poor reason to avoid this.  Not when he had so much to gain.

Shiro swallowed hard.  “Oh. Alright. Yes, I guess you do.”  He looked away, barely a flicker of his eyes, before focusing again.  “Can I start by saying I’m sorry?”

“No,” Keith said.  “Because you shouldn’t be.  I should.”

Immediately, Shiro shook his head.  “No. Not at all. It’s perfectly alright to feel uncomfortable.  I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re completely free to come and go as you please, and you don’t need to feel trapped or obligated because of my fe- because of what I said.”

When was the last time Keith had seen Shiro so afraid?

“You don’t need to feel pressured.  I’m well aware that- well, I hoped, obviously.  But you’ve made it clear how you feel in the past.  It won’t affect anything between us.” Shiro’s fingers curled up by his side, and he wasn’t quite looking Keith in the eyes anymore.  “Nothing had changed, and I hope eventually you can feel comfortable around me again.”

Keith stepped forward again, even farther into his space.  His heart pounded frantically at the distres on Shiro’s face.  “No. Shiro, listen to me. Stop assuming you know what I’m saying and listen.”

“Oh.”  Shiro’s head bobbed and he swallowed hard.  “Sorry. Go ahead, then.” He tensed like he was bracing himself for a chewing out.

“You didn’t freak me out. I freaked  _ me _ out.  I found out that my behavior toward you has always been a little, um, possessive.  When it comes to Galra body language.” Keith shrugged one shoulder. “It made me question some things.”

Shiro’s shoulders and gaze softened. “Oh, Keith.  No. You’ve always been protective. You shouldn’t feel bad about that.  I don’t mind.”

Keith shook his head.  “No, this wasn’t good. I was acting like Lance does, without knowing what I was saying.  And that’s not fair to you. I found all this stuff out about Galra biology and, uh, relationship stuff.  So I was trying to get my head on straight. And it wasn’t until I talked to Awrul that I realized what the past few days looked like from your perspective.  I wasn’t rejecting you. I didn’t even realize what you were saying.”

Swallowing hard, Shiro stared down at him.  His eyes brightened, like the sun just beginning to rise.  It looked like hope. “I still don’t know what you’re talking about, but- you left because you were confused about a Galra behavior.  Not because you were uncomfortable with... what I want?” His voice cracked on the last word.

Calm, leaderly, in control Shiro sounded like he’d been stabbed through.

“Shiro, no.”  Keith’s heart cracked, and his eyes darted over those subtle signs of stress.  “I’m sorry. I think we should probably talk.”

Shiro cracked a smile, though it was wobbly.  “You want to talk? Keith? Am I in an alternate reality?”

“Shut up.”  Keith rolled his eyes, but he didn’t bother to keep the fondness out of his voice.  “I want to be on the same page. I feel like we haven’t been for a long while.”

Shiro nodded slowly.  “On and off,” he admitted.  “I think I started it, when I pushed you to replace me.”

Probably.  Or maybe it had started when Shiro left for Kerberos, and then didn’t come back.  Or it had started when Keith caught feelings and hid them.

Keith opened his mouth to explain.  To put it all out there and to finally tell Shiro everything.

But the words caught in his throat.  He didn’t even know where to begin.

So instead he wrapped his fingers around the back of Shiro’s head and gave a gentle tug.  No pressure, no force, just asking. Just open.

Shiro went willingly and eagerly.  He bent down as Keith pushed up on his toes.

Their mouths met.

[ ](http://rou-tan-tan.tumblr.com/)

[(Art by Rou-tan-tan)](http://rou-tan-tan.tumblr.com/)

Keith’s toes curled in his boots as their lips brushed against each other and Shiro’s hands found his hips.  Fire seemed to spark and erupt inside of him. He pushed in closer until their chests were flush, and he swore he could feel Shiro’s heart hammering even through his armor.

When they finally pulled back, Shiro’s cheeks were flushed, and he was smiling helplessly.  “That was a much better talk than I was expecting.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”  Keith leaned up again, brushing their noses together.  He could feel Shiro’s breath against his lips, gentle puffs of warm air that sent shivers through him.  “I was trying to do right by you. The universe has already tried to hurt and control you. I never wanted to add to that.”

“You never have,” Shiro said.  “And you never could. You care too much for that.”  He leaned forward for another kiss, this one a chaste brush of their lips.  “If you need more time for what was bothering you, you can have that. I was hurt, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have space when you need it.”

Keith shook his head.  “I’m good. I don’t have to do it alone.”

“No, you don’t.”  Shiro squeezed his hips, smiling brightly.  “You have the team, and you have me. Does this mean you’re coming back?”

There was still so much to discuss, so much to sort out.  Shiro was going to have to understand what Keith had learned, and they would have to decide they were comfortable with.  What this meant for Voltron, too, and what Keith being in the castle meant for missions.

But all relationships needed those discussions, needed boundaries.

Keith was done trying to guess the answers all on his own.  And he was done with running.

Smiling back, Keith nodded.  “Yeah. I’m coming home.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you can find more at [my tumblr](bosstoaster.tumblr.com)


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